


Reckless and Weary

by Turtletamer



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Tags Are Hard, a take charge stan, kyle needs to chill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-01-29 13:34:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21411007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turtletamer/pseuds/Turtletamer
Summary: Kenny wants Kyle to meet his old friend Stan that just moved back into the neighborhood. Kyle sees Stan as the free spirit he wish he could be, but really, Stan isn't free at all.Friendship to Romance.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	1. Party People

The smell of alcohol and weed not only waft through the house causing me to flinch with what is more than likely the ugliest face I’ve ever made. But I was almost certain it was permanently seeping into the walls of the otherwise nice looking home I was now wandering through aimlessly. I pulled my arm up to my face, attempting to cover my nose from the scent as someone who’d obviously just finished smoking passes by. The effort turns out to be utterly useless. My once upon a time clean yellow shirt now wreaked of all the surrounding scents. Funny how the most horrible of smells are the fastest to stick to your clothing and spread like wildfire. Even if, as far as I’d seen, smoking was allowed outside only. 

Why am i here anyway? I haven't been to a party in two years at least. Even if my friend Kenny really wanted me to come and meet a friend of his.. I just don't belong here. I groan as I run my hand through my already tangled mess of red hair. Kenny is basically my only friend though. So if he really wants me to meet this other person I might as well suck it up and find a way to pass the time. 

From what I could tell, we’ve been here an hour and a half in the least. It feels more like five seeing as Kenny ran off about twenty minutes ago to play beer pong or something else just as asinine. This of course left me alone, out of place, and to my own devices.

I scan the room while nursing my beer. The couch is finally free of couples making out. “About damn time.” Sitting would feel far less awkward than everything else I’ve done. I take the opportunity and walk over, flopping down with and overdramatic huff. 

“Having a bad night?”

I quickly look over to my side, just now realizing someone else has sat down beside me. Some guy I don’t recognize. Though the odds were against that anyway. I only know maybe three people here. The black haired boy quirks an eyebrow, waiting for an answer. Eh, what the hell, why lie? It's not like I cared about these people or the party in general anyway. “You have no idea.” I lean my head back into the couch looking at the textured ceiling. “It just baffles me how anyone could enjoy a shitty party like this one.” 

After a few seconds of silence I look over thinking I probably offended him. I mean.. He was attending the party after all. My mind immediately goes into panic mode. This guy sitting next to me is holding an almost empty cup of beer. What was this? His first? His sixth? Shots have been making their rounds throughout the night and with as long as the parties been going, he could definitely be drunk. And pissed. Because of me. The odds are not in my favor.

My mind reeling with all the possibilities, I steal a quick glance at his silhouette. He was taller, with his legs lazily spread and head a little above my own, he has maybe 4 or so inches on me. Black hair and what looks to be blue eyes. I can’t tell with all the neon lights flashing around the room. Not that eye color matters in this situation. What matters is how big or strong he could possibly be. He was wearing a black hoodie, his fingers drumming to the beat of the music against his medium dark jeans that fit snug but not too tight, and what looks to be burgundy converse. There was no way of me knowing if this guy was ripped or not. I know nothing of his personality either. 

“So why are you here then?”

I’m snapped back to reality by his question. He didn't sound mad at all. Good. My brain began to calm a little by this. “A friend of mine wanted me to come along. Practically forced me, really. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not an ass or anything. Just pushy sometimes.”

The black haired boy quirked his lips into a small smile if only for a second. Following my position of leaning his head back into the couch. “Uh huh.” The guy finished off his beer and leaned back again. “Where is he then?” 

I slowly scan the surrounding area. No sight of Kenny. Still.

“I mean, if he wanted you here so bad, why are you sitting here in what looks like the worst kind of misery with me and not elsewhere with him?” he questions, moving his face to the side just enough to make eye contact.

For a second I assume the guy is making fun of me. But there was no hint of malice in his face or voice as I replay the question in my head. “I honestly have no freaking idea. He could have passed out somewhere for all I know. He split not too long after we showed up.”

Converse chuckled. Yes, I deemed the guy with the nickname of Converse. I don’t care too much to ask his actual name. I mean, it’s not like I’ll ever see him again, and he probably feels the same. Besides, the nickname was fitting. He’s wearing Converse shoes and conversing with me at the time. I almost laugh at my lame ass thoughts. Almost. 

“That’s pretty fucking shitty dude.”

“Right? I kind of think he’s just trying to get me to ‘mingle’ in his own little way though.” I think about it then snort. “He could of at least introduced me to this ‘crazy cool’ guy first. We could have gotten it over with and I could leave.” 

Converse sits up to face me, moving his right leg onto the couch, his left still on the floor. He uses his fist to support his head and beams. For whatever reason he looks a bit amused at my situation. “What if, and seriously stay with me here, this person doesn’t even exist?”

I stare at him for a good 30 seconds before a small giggle escapes my lips. The low rumble soon turns into a full blown laugh. I just can’t help it. Kenny’s always telling me I should be more social. Would he go that far? The thought was just so bizarre. The next thing I know Converse is laughing along with me. I hold my stomach urging myself to calm down. 

Converse does the same. “Gotta think outside the box dude. But hey, you smiled.” He points out with a smirk. 

Huh. I guess I did. “That’s the last thing I thought would happen tonight. I guess I owe you a thanks.” 

“No big.” The black haired boy nods it away. “So tell me. What’s the big deal? With the party I mean.”

I look around taking in all my surroundings. “The people, the lights, the over the top drunks, vomit, hardcore PDA, smells, and most of all; the actual person or people that even cared enough to set all this up to begin with. So I guess, in short: Everything.” By the time I finish, radical hand movements to help my point across and everything, Converse is laughing much louder than the last time. 

“I guess-” He chuckles a little more, regaining enough composure to speak, “-you kinda have a point there. Passed out drunks are a pain-” Suddenly a guy wearing a blue jacket flicks him in the back of the head and speaks up “Where the hell have you been? You know what, that doesn’t matter. It’s about that time.” And with that blue jacket boy walks away.

“Ugh, fucking Craig.”

I look at Converse in confusion. It’s about time? Time for what? Hopefully, if I’m lucky, the end of the party. Actually, less people are in the room than before and everyone is making their way out. Except they were going through the back door. “Um?” is all I can muster in my confusion. 

Converse hops up from the couch and stretches with an exaggerated yawn. “Well you heard the man, time to get ready.” He extends a hand my way. 

My face definitely gives off the suspicion I feel. But nonetheless I take his hand and stand up. After sitting my half full beer down I start walking towards the back where everyone else had vanished when a hand suddenly grabs my shoulder, keeping me in place. I look back at Converse. 

“Nah, let's head this way.” He says gesturing towards the staircase with his chin. 

“Um.. What? Why?” It seemed like he was supposed to be out there with everyone else. Not meandering around the house. 

He doesn’t answer. Instead he starts walking in that direction on his own as if he expects me to just follow along. And I do. 

It isn't until he opens a bedroom door that all my alarm bells go off. “Oh. Um. No sorry. I didn’t mean to.. I mean.. Oh shit. I’m not here for any of that sort of thing.” I stutter out what I hope is something that makes sense. I was about to turn around to save us both from the possibility of even more embarrassment when a light cackle comes from his direction. After getting my attention again he speaks up. “Dude no, you got it all wrong. I’m not trying to get in your pants and we aren’t staying here.”

Then where the hell would we go? The closet? Christ. Not funny. I stay still at the entry and think hard. “This is the type of dumb decisions that get people killed or something on like, Law and Order. And I don’t even know your name!” I throw my hands in the air explaining the outrageous possibilities. 

A few seconds of silence passed between us. 

“Stan.”

Converse, wait no, ‘Stan’ spoke up with a half smile. “I’m Stan and we’re going out this window for a better view. Trust me a little.” He opens the window. “And besides, you never asked.” I roll my eyes at my own idiocy. So this is Stan and he’s halfway out the window. 

Keeping my stupid mouth shut I follow. I don’t know why. Maybe because this is the only person I’ve talked to tonight besides Kenny. And he put up with my ranting for a good chunk of time. Either way, I follow Stan out the window and sit on the roof. “So what’s going on exactly?”

“You’ll see soon enough.” Stan lays back on the roof. His ankles crossed and hands behind his head. “Your name?”

I turn towards him to answer. “Kyle.” For a second I swear I see a flicker of something in his eyes. He then says something too low for me to hear and smirks. His current facial expression makes me feel calm but I still wish I knew what he said. Is my name funny or something? Before I can say anything a loud boom causes me to jump. Booms and crackles continue on in the sky all around us. Gasps can be heard below by the rest of the party goers as they crane their heads up to see the spectacle. Now I understand why Stan was adamant about coming here.

I lay down too and enjoy the show, a tiny grin adorns my face.

When it eventually ends I slowly sit up adjusting from the hard surface I’d been laying on. I almost forgot I was alone. Stan didn’t seem to be moving at all. I turn to see if he’d somehow, throughout the noises, fallen asleep. Instead I was greeted with a, well, dare I say ‘cute’ smile. It was more of an ‘I told you so’ type though. 

“So what do you think now? Not so bad huh?”

“Pft. I guess it was okay.” I shrug trying to hold the facade a little longer.

“Bullshit. I saw your face dude. You loved it.” His face was lit up with the happiness of a small child. But at the same time, he it looked pained. 

I can’t hide it. “Yeah, you’re right. Tonight wasn’t half bad I guess.” I can’t help but chuckle as we head towards the window. “I still hate parties though.” Another smile crept onto my face, earning one back from Stan.

When we made it back downstairs I immediately see Kenny’s blonde hair in the mix of people filing back into the house. I call out to him a little louder than I intended but get a hold of his attention which is all that really matters to me anyway. He walks over, a drunken twinkle plastered on his face. When he reaches us he does the opposite of what I expected. Instead of saying something to me he throws his arm around Stans shoulders. “Finally found ya man. Where the hell did you go hiding off to?” Kenny doesn’t give him time to answer as he turns to the crowd and yelled out, “Aye! He’s over here! Do I win a prize or something?” What the hell is going on?

Everyone looks in our direction and roar in excitement. Cups are thrust into the air like a toast as the entire house fills with the chanting of ‘Stan, Stan, Stan, Stan!’ What the fuck? None of this made sense. That is, until the noise slowly dies down and people start heading out. ‘Great party man.’ .. ‘I didn’t expect the show at the end, nice one.’ .. The compliments and farewells keep going until we are basically alone besides a few stragglers and passed out victims of good old beer. 

Realization is hitting me slowly. So very slowly and incredibly painful. The final blow comes from Kenny’s own mouth, “Gotta admit, you throw the best of them all.” His left arm still around Stan, he throws the right over my shoulders, my breath hitches waiting for exactly what I don’t want to hear “Looks like I didn’t have to introduce you two after all. We’re gonna get along great dudes!”

The guy I complained to all night about how shitty the party was.. Was the HOST. The friend Kenny wanted me to meet so much. 

I accused him of trying to get me in bed at one point. For fucks sake. 

Did I literally talk shit about the guy all night? You know it.  
Did I make every mistake in the book? You bet I did. 

All the color drains from my face. Just kill me now.


	2. Hanging by a Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Kyle meet once again but under different circumstances. Thing's are better this time but something's definitely up with Stan, even Kyle can see it.

Stan POV  
\------------

Several days have passed since the party. All the leftover trash, vomit, and spills have been cleaned up. The mixture of smells unfortunately still lingered in the air. Every time I leave or come back home I pick up the bottle of Frebreze and spray everything down vigorously. Now was no exception. I walk inside, throw my keys on the coffee table, and make my rounds throughout the house with the so called odor eliminator. 

In the last room, my bedroom, I flopped down on the bed in a huff. I have absolutely nothing else to do today and sitting in a house all alone is the last thing I need to do. My phone goes off in my pocket yet I choose not to move. It was more than likely someone glad to hear that I’m back in town again. Or my dad. Either way, I don’t care too much right now. All that can wait.

Rolling over I glance at the window taking in the warmth the sun spilled directly into my room. Contrast with the blatant cold of the outside. The longer I look towards the window, the more I recall the guy that despised the party. The guy that had no trouble speaking his mind: Kyle. It made sense now on why Kenny is such good friends with him and why he wanted me to meet him too. The guy seemed decent enough. Undeniably someone I would have been friends with back in the day. He would more than likely be a part of our group back in school. 

The strange thing though, was that the dude bolted out the door like the place could explode at any second. Still haven’t wrapped my head around that dramatic exit. Can’t say it didn’t leave an impression on me though. 

Well whatever, no point in mulling over it right now. I need a real, tangible, distraction. Not just my thoughts. I pull out my cell and call Kenny.

“Aye my man, whats up?” Kenny sounded like he hadn’t slept since I last saw him. 

“Nothing really, just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out or something.” 

“You know I’m always down unless I’m working bro.”

“Great, I’m on my way.” I hang up, stash my phone into my pocket, and head for the door. This is something people use to get annoyed with me about; hanging up without saying bye or waiting for a response. In the end, they chalked it up to my personality and funnily enough, started to admire my assertive attitude. Apparently it mingles well with how carefree I present myself. If I’m gonna be honest here, I think people just over analyze things.

Kenny still lives pretty close to my old place but not enough that I want to walk there. Not today at least. After exiting my car I walk up and push the door open, not bothering to knock. Glancing around the place, it’s really not too bad at all. The paint looked new, the carpet was clean, and a nice looking living room set was right in front of me. It’s an obvious upgrade from his childhood home. I always knew Kenny would do better than his parents ever could. 

I close the door behind me and take two steps inside when a girl descends the stairs. Probably a chick Kenny picked up or maybe even a girlfriend. As she gets closer to the bottom of the stairs, I get a better look at her face. No way. “Karen?”

My voice seems to snap her back to reality, finally noticing my presence. These guys really should learn to lock the door. Then again Kenny might have unlocked it since I was coming by anyway. 

She stares me up and down, scrunches up her nose, and yells over her shoulder. Not once taking her eyes off me. “Kenny! Some weirdo is in our house and he knows my name!”

“No I’m-” before I can finish Kenny walks in with a spatula. Don’t tell me that’s his weapon of choice. A small chuckle slips from my lips despite myself. Kenny shakes his head and laughs too.

“Well you’re right about the weirdo part. But Karen, that’s Stan. Don’t tell me you forgot my best buddy!”

Karen looks from Kenny straight at me with wide eyes. “Oh my gosh Stan!!” She runs up to me at full speed knocking me back a little as she wraps her arms around me in a tight hug. I hug her back happy to see her again too. 

Karen McCormick had done a lot of growing up while I was gone. There was no longer a small child in front of me. She’s grown to be a cute young lady. I pat her back in a friendly gesture just then really noticing Kenny. He was now giving me the glare of a protective brother. I throw my hands up in surrender looking down at the girl still latched onto me, then back up at him. My eyes telling him ‘I'm innocent.’ Though Kenny knew better anyway. The blonde rolls his eyes and calls Karens name as he walked back into the kitchen. She releases me looking up, “It’s so great to see you again Stan.” The biggest smile adorned her face.

“You too Karen.” I return her happiness with a grin. 

“I said the foods ready! I’ll eat it all if you don’t hurry up!” Kennys tone told me he wanted Karen and I to keep our distance, but he was in no way upset with me. I guess this is what being an older brother is all about. The brown haired girl ran into the kitchen giving me a chance to breathe again before following along. 

The closer I get to the kitchen the better it smells. Ham, eggs, butter, sausage, and toast were laid out on the table. “Damn Kenny, you cook like this every day?” I sit and grab a piece of toast.

“Karen usually cooks dinner so I try to crack an egg when I have a day off work.” They’re both digging in. It’s a nice sight. They’re a real, functioning, family. He always said he would make sure his little sister would experience this, no matter what.

Kenny slides a plate my way. “Don’t just sit there with that look on your face. It’s creeping me out dude. Dig in.” Might as well. I fill my plate and enjoy breakfast with the McCormicks.

The sounds of forks and knives scraping against plates was soon broken by Kenny. “So back at the party, did you see Kyle?” 

“You mean when he ran away?” Maybe he could shed some light on what happened.

“...He ran away? What did you do to him?” He snatches up a piece of ham and looks at me. “He’s warmed up to me but it took a while. And you, your personality probably puts him on edge. Try to keep it tamed for awhile.”

“I actually did. Especially when I figured out who he was, I was totally normal thank you very much.” I quip. Kenny doesn’t remember him running?.. “You don’t remember a damn thing do you?”

He looks away, his eggs suddenly becoming the most interesting thing in the room. “Well ah..”

“You drank too much didn’t you.” That was not and question. And Karen was undoubtedly mad. I’m not so sure whether or not I should have said anything.

“Yeah.. I did. Sorry Karen. I was just excited about my friend coming back and I guess I went a little overboard.” He sounded genuinely apologetic so I hope she doesn’t go too hard on him.

“I told you not to. I don’t want you to…” She trails off quietly but I know exactly what she’s thinking. She’s worried he could slip up and end up like the rest of their family. 

I can’t take these two looking so upset. I bonk Karen on the head with my fork. “I’ll keep an eye on him for ya when we’re out at least. He won’t be going overboard on my watch.” 

She’s beaming at this point. “Really? Thank you so much Stan! Did you hear that Kenny?”

“Yeah yeah. Teaming up with my best friend. Shit.” He sighs and returns to our earlier conversation. 

I tell him everything that went down that night and what I thought about it. “So like I said, the dude seemed fine, so what the fuck happened?”

“He probably thinks he fucked up or something so he scrammed first chance he got. He overthinks almost everything. I’m telling ya man, I try to get him to loosen up and live a little but.. He isn’t very good at it.” He cleans his plate and continues. “If there’s any chance for him, it’s probably you bro.”

My phone’s been buzzing with texts for the past fifteen or so minutes but fuck if I wanna even look at it. “Why me? I’m not a damn wizard.”

“Everyone likes you, man. Even if they don’t want to at first. It’s just easy to relax around you.” 

Well that’s news to me.. Sorta. Either way, I'm pretty sure Kennys exaggerating my abilities a bit here but whatever. I look at my texts, roll my eyes, and type a quick reply. “Fine, tell him I wanna hang out again. Or all of us, whatever works.”

“Tell him yourself.”

“How?” 

“Your phone bitch duh.” He throws his towards me so I quickly put Kyles number in my contacts. 

My phone goes off four more times in a row. “Well, I gotta head out. Thanks for the food. It was nice seeing you too Karen.” I wave as I start walking away. 

“You too Stan!” Karen shouts a little too enthusiastically causing Kenny to grumble to himself. I just laugh and continue on my way out. When I get in my car I let out a huge sigh scrolling through my stupid texts. I just want to relax, is that too much to ask for? Apparently so. 

If you want your day to be better, you have to make it happen yourself. So I scroll down my contacts and type. ‘Hey its Stan. What r u doing right now?’

It doesn’t take long to get a reply. ‘Nothing. How did you get my number?’

‘Kenny. Good u can hang out then.’

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘Pretty sure u said your not doing anything. Meet me @ Kings park. 30 minutes.’ I throw my phone in the passenger seat and head out. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

Kyles POV

It took me at least ten minutes to decide whether or not this was some sort of prank, leaving me twenty to get ready and go. I’ve given the invitation enough thought narrowing it down to two possible outcomes. Either he’s going to chew me out or this is my chance to make up for the things I said. 

I walk up to the parks entrance and instantly see Stan. The guy sticks out like a sore thumb. He’s laying upside down on the third bench to the right of the playground. His legs are hanging over the back of the bench, neon green converse swinging up and down, and his head dangling off the edge. Well this is.. Different. He surely doesn’t care what anyone around him thinks.

I trudge over to him and sit down. “What are you doing exactly?”

“Waiting for you to get here.” He maneuvers his body into a normal sitting position. “You’re late.”

I have to force myself not to roll my eyes. I have to make things right this time. No looking like a dick, that isn’t who I am anyway. “I meant that whole unorthodox situation I walked up on. And I’m not late.”

“I know what you meant. It seemed comfy in my head.” He squinted his eyes like he was wondering why it turned out the opposite of comfortable. “You totally are. By five minutes.”

I snort out “I’d hardly call five minutes as grounds for being late.”

“Oh yeah? Alright then.” He looked at me like I just challenged him. “Let's say you’re back in highschool. It’s morning, your alarm goes off and you hit the snooze button. No big deal right, you do it every now and then anyway. The alarm goes off again and you get up this time. Everything is dandy until you can’t find your shoes. This cuts out two minutes. You find them and head to school but end up behind some super slow car. That’s three more minutes. You’re now five minutes late a this point so someone took your usual spot near the front of the parking lot. Now you have no choice but to park in the very back with the freshmen and walk much further. The first bell rang while you were looking for somewhere to park so you know you need to hurry. You sprint towards the building when shit, you left your backpack in the back seat. You go back, grab it, and run into the school. You’ve wasted thirteen minutes total making you six minutes late for school. The jackass that waits for students who come in after the final bell points you towards the office where you get written up and given a slip to hand over to your teacher explaining why your late and proving you went to the office in the first place.” 

He takes a breath and looks in my direction. “And why did this chain of events happen? Because you hit snooze, wasting five minutes that you felt didn’t matter at the time.”

Did he just come up with all that right on the spot? I certainly didn’t expect an entire lecture over it. It’s a simple concept but he undeniably won this argument. 

“So did I blow your mind or what?” There’s not a hint of arrogance in his voice. On the contrary, he sounds like a kid ready to be praised for his cleverness. 

“I wouldn’t say my minds blown but you make a really good point. Touche.” This guy just seamlessly flew into a conversation with me, someone he barely knows, about something as trivial as time management. With anyone else I’d be more than likely sitting in a pool of awkwardness. I don’t feel worried about this anymore.. No wonder so many people showed up to see him at the party. He’s clearly a people person.

“So now that I made my point; what took ya?” he’s leaning back into the bench, an arm propped up along the back. He makes a hard, uncomfortable seat like this, look so pleasant. While I’m here sitting straight trying to keep my legs from falling asleep. I just can’t help but notice the differences between us now.

What made me late huh? I don’t want to just tell him what the reason really was.. I glance over his direction and take a deep breath. Stan’s been nothing but nice to me. I guess I owe him the right of being honest with him. “Truthfully, I was worried.”

“About what, your outfit?” 

That answer came out of his mouth much too fast. Before I can stop myself I blurt out “What’s wrong with my outfit?” Okay, that came out a bit too defensive. 

He looks me up and down. I decided not to wear a jacket today. Instead I opted for an orange long sleeve sweater on top of a green collared shirt, regular old jeans, and brown shoes. Stans lips curve up into a smirk, a sort of devilish grin. “Not a thing.” He then looks me straight in the eyes. “You look good.” It almost feels like he expected my reaction. 

He says it in a way that could be taken as flirting. I don’t though, it’s just a simple compliment. Besides, I’m sure I got my point across at the party that I don’t swing that way. I open my mouth about to explain the actual reason when out of nowhere the sound of a small girl calls out shyly. 

“Um, Stan?” I snap my head up towards her voice then take a look at Stan. For a split second he seems confused, then suddenly jumps to his feet. “Hi princess.” He walks up to her about six feet away, then squats down to her level. I can only see the top portion of her face.

I can’t hear a thing but the girl shakes her head a few times. Soon enough Stan gets up and the girl turns around to the direction she came from. “Wait up. Go play for a few.” The girl looks utterly surprised and stands still, unbeknownst to Stan who’d already made his way back, turning to sit. She slowly follows, stopping in front of us.

At last I take a good look at the child. Her clothes are old and tattered up with small holes. Her jacket covered in dirt and her pants full of stains. The only decent thing she has is her sneakers, they looked relatively new. Who would let their kid go out looking like this?

“Really?”

“Yeah really. A kid can’t come to a park and not play. I’ll walk you home afterwards.”

The little girl beams as if it was Christmas morning. “Thank you!” She runs off to the playground not too far away. I watch her go down the slide then realize things have gone unnaturally quiet. Looking over I notice Stan has this faraway look in his eyes, like he’s gone somewhere else completely, unaware of me or anything else.

I can’t pinpoint his emotional state at all. It’s like so many are going on at the same time and none of them are good. Confusion? Anger? Sadness? Disgust? Shame? Despair? I just can’t comprehend it. The guy sitting beside me looks nothing like the Stan I know. 

The carefree, calm, kind, friendly, confident, and somewhat cocky guy I was told about and knew was gone. Then again, do I really know him? This is only my second time seeing him.. And the situation I’ve been witnessing seems quite odd the more I think about it.

Stan blinks and looks up seeming to realize what he’s done. He shakes his head and looks at me with the face I would normally expect from him for just a second then looks towards the playground. “Hah, she’s having a lot of fun. Looks like she made a friend too.”

I follow his line of sight and sure enough the girl is making a sand castle with another child. I want to ask about what just happened rather than look at kids but I don’t think now is the right time. Maybe when I get to know him better. Oh geez. I’m unconsciously planning on seeing him again. I unwillingly shake my head and chuckle. Oops.

“What are you laughing at?”

Ugh. I saw that question coming. I really don’t want to say. Why do I keep doing this to myself? With the way he looked earlier though, I feel he could use the chance to take a jab at my awkwardness. “Ah.. Just thinking about hanging out again.” 

And there’s the cocky grin I expected. “Oh yeah? Well you know where I live. Drop by.” His grin turns devilish again. “Any time.”

He most definitely likes fucking with my head. What a joker. “Yeah yeah, maybe. During the day.” He pouts but laughs soon after. I really can’t tell what’s a joke and what isn’t. 

“Hah yeah sure, anytime you feel safe then.” His laugh is genuine now and he looks much better than earlier. He hums and looks my way, like he’s thinking something over, then stands in front of me. “C’mon.”

“Where to? That kid’s still here.” Oh maybe he wants me to go with him to take her home. 

“Kyle. Haven’t you learned since last time?” Like dejavu, he holds out his hand and says “Trust me.” 

We begin walking toward the playground. “She’s been eyeing the monkey bars for awhile now.” 

I failed to notice that he’d even looked at her besides the time he pointed her out earlier. Stan sure is perceptive as hell. “Okay, but what does that have to do with us?”

“Your inner child died a long time ago, didn't it? We’re gonna play.”

I didn’t have time to be offended. “Play?!” I dart my head around frantically. There’s only three other adults here and we can pass as teenagers, but even so, the thought of playing on a child's playground makes me feel very self conscious. 

“Stop looking so stiff dude, you’ll freak the kids out.” He nudges me in the side with his elbow. “Live a little.” 

I can’t just shove the anxiety of being judged away but I’m gonna show him I can loosen up.. At least a little. Might as well let him take the lead and I’ll follow. ...What am I thinking? That’s already, without a doubt, how it works. 

We walk past the girl to the monkey bars. Stan lifts his arms above his head, swings, throws his legs over a bar and lets go. I opt to sitting on the top bar of the ladder. “Kyle.” Stan swings to grab the bars again, frees his legs, and walks up to me. “The hell are you doin?”

“This is what people call sitting.” He might make it look as easy as breathing but I’ve never been the type to hang upside down hoping gravity doesn’t cause my demise. 

“I didn’t bring you from a bench to a land of joy for you to sit back down.” He takes a step closer to me. “You’re scared aren’t you.”

That wasn’t a question but I answer regardless. “No.”

Thankfully the young girl skips towards us. “That was so cool! I wish I could swing across but it’s too high and a little scary.” Stan planned on this. He had us walk past her intentionally so she could feel in control of the situation and see how easy it was for him so she would feel safer. I can see it all in the way he’s smiling. 

“Hey it’s alright, my friend’s scared too so I’m helping him. I can teach you too if you want.”

She looks at me. “You’re a big kid and you can’t do it either?” How. Fucking. Embarrassing. I discreetly kick Stans leg but it only makes him enjoy this more. 

“Okay, so first climb the ladder and sit down like Kyle’s doing.” She gets to the top bar then hesitates. Stan watches her think it over before helping her out. “Ok. I’m gonna help you onto the first bar, but then I want you to try and make it to the third. I promise I won’t let you go.”

“You pinky swear?” 

“Pinky swear.” He latches a finger around hers then lifts her up. True to his word, on the third bar she slips up and he swiftly brings her back to the ladder. “Now it’s Kyles turn.” He faces me, arms folded. “Need me to hold you too Kyle?”

I can feel my cheeks turn pink. “Of course not.”I furrow my brows and stand up. I can tell he doesn’t want me to get too far so the girl won’t feel bad. I make it to the fourth bar and drop, acting like it was hard to do. We ‘practice’ this way until she can make it all the way across.

“You’re good but no a pro yet so be careful when I’m not around ok?” 

He’s not just good with people but kids too. Kenny did tell me he was a charmer and to ‘not let my guard down’, but I hardly think it’s that extreme. When she moves on to the next thing he runs across the top of the bars and jumps over me. “Show off.”

“Pft, running is showing off now? Your standards are pretty low. I can do a backflip off if you want?”

“No no!” All I see is a broken neck. Though Stan more than likely could do it just fine. Instead I decide to pick up on something he said earlier. “So we’re friends?”

We’re walking back towards the benches. “What, you don’t wanna be?” He throws an arm over my shoulders. “Because really dude, you don’t have a choice anymore.”

I’m not used to close contact at all, not until that party anyway. Or should I say; since I met Stan. Today marks the second time I took his hand and had someone put their arm across my shoulders. Not counting the times we’ve kicked and jabbed at each other. It’s oddly refreshing. “Why don’t I?”

We make it back to the bench and stop. “I already decided on the rooftop.” I was stunned by those words but knew I had to keep my shit together so I roll my eyes playfully. “You should come by after I ta-” he’s interrupted by three vibrations in a row. He removes his arm and practically yanked his phone out of his pocket then rolls his eyes while typing a quick message.

“Looks like I have to get some shit done. You have my number now, don’t be a stranger dude.” He flicks my shoulder then turns away. “C’mon princess, time to go.” She runs up and holds his hand. “See ya Kyle.” is the last thing he says before walking away. “Yeah. See you Stan.” I reply too late and too low for anyone to hear. It was a fruitless effort but my mind was elsewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like how this chapter turned out so I hope you guys do as well!


	3. Self Destructive Personality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan's overwhelmed. Kenny tries to help in his own way but it's ultimately Kyle that puts him at ease.. Then overwhelms him once more. Can they even be friends after this?

“You sent a fucking child last time! I don’t care if it’s been a week, that doesn’t change the fact that a little girl was involved!”, I yell into the receiver exasperated. I’ve been ignoring the calls and texts all week but felt it was time to let out my frustrations. “No, I’m not doing it, not today. And you know, I’ve went along with this.. I’ve watched things go from something so simple slowly evolve into this huge thing that I never would have imagined. I thought that was as bad as it could get. But this, I never would have thought you’d stoop this low at least. I do my part. My hands are dirty too. But you’re going to have to find someone else to do it today.” 

I hang up and run my hands through my hair. “Fuck!” I drop to the couch and breathe in and out, trying my best to keep myself together. It feels nice to let some of the bitter thoughts out but it isn’t enough. It’s never enough. “Ah screw it.” I run upstairs to my closet grabbing a pair of ripped jeans, white tshirt, a black jacket, and red shoes. I get changed in a flash and begin to walk out when my phone rings. I can’t believe he’s calling again. “What the fuck do you want?”

“Fuck you, what the hell did I do?”

“God dammit. Sorry Kenny, I thought you were someone else.” Muscles relaxing, I take a look in the mirror. What the hell is my hair doing?

“Mm I’d hate to be them. Anyway, I got a second job. Nothing big just something on the side. And dude, I’m so fucking bored I could die. You busy?”

I ruffle my hair while he’s talking but eventually give up and throw a red beanie over the back half. “Nah I’m free. Where?”

“Pb gas.”

“Sweet, I was heading there anyway.”

“Hah no kiddin. See ya in a few bro.” We both hang up. I shove my wallet in my back pocket and drive to Pb gas station.

When I get there I see no one. I walk up to the counter and start hitting the bell repeatedly. “Mr Cashier sir, I need help, Mr Cashierrrr!!”

“Stan.”

“Yeah?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

We both let out a laugh as I walk around the counter where Kenny’s lying on the floor. “Nice little ghost town you’ve got going on here.”

“This is exactly why I called. So fucking lame.”

I sit on the counter looking down at my blonde friend. “Sooo, why are you pulling two jobs anyway?”

“Karen.” He sits up and props his back against the wall. “She does the whole cheer leading thing and dude, it cost a fucking lot. Not that I’ll ever say anything about it. So here I am, figured I can work here awhile to save up for that before school starts up again.”

“I can spot you some cash, I know you’re good for it. Besides I care about both of you.”

Kenny starts cracking up, “Oh yeah? Well she cares about Stanley a little too much.” 

I shake my head incredulously, “Yeah yeah, whatever. You know I’d never go there anyway dude.”

“Yeah I know. If anything you’d be right there with me kicking any guys ass that even tries to get near her.”

“No kiddin.” I look up, pointing to the display behind him. “I’ll take a pack of those.”

“You don’t smoke.” He stands and looks at where I’m pointing at the display. “Is this what you were coming by for?”

“Sometimes. I don’t know. I’m just fucking stressed man. So sure, that’s what I was coming for.”

“If you’re stressed smoke a joint bro.” I look up and sigh. I’m already one of the biggest hypocrites there is. “Yeah, sure. I might as well.”

“Speaking of stress. What was the deal with that verbal ass whooping you were ready to give me when I called?”

I hesitate, thinking it over in my head. I could trust Kenny, that was a given but..

“Chick problems?” Kenny picks up on my shift in mood and offers an outing. “Or…… Boy problems?”

“Neither.” I snort. What a joke. “I’ve got nothing going on in that aspect and I don’t really care to start now.”

“Oh really?” Kenny folds his arms against his chest and raises his brow with a smile. “Because from what I understand, you’ve been hanging out with Kyle a lot lately. Ya know I introduced you so you have to tell me.”

“Yeah so? He doesn’t work and I have my next courses set up online.” I shrug giving him the cold hard facts. “We just have more free time to chill.” Kenny keeps giving me the same look of doubt. “Dude, Kyles straight as an arrow.” I add, trying to make a point but it all backfires.

“Oh so you are interested. I knew it dude. I can see into your soul and shit so stop trying to hide things.”

“No.” Ugh dammit Kenny. “I mean, at first I just thought he was interesting and fun to mess with. I still think he’s fun to mess with, the guys a stiff, but now.. I don’t know. He’s just a cool guy to hang with. A friend. Nothing more.” Why the fuck am I taking this so seriously? My mind really is drained of everything if I’m taking Kennys antics seriously.

“Mhm. Just a friend.”

“Yep. Just a friend.”

“That you wanna fuck.”

“That I wann- Fuck you Kenny! Stop trying to put words in my mouth.” Kenny laughs so hard tears stream down his cheeks. I’m about to shut him up when someone walks in.

“What’s so funny?”

“Stan-” I shove a hand over Kenny’s mouth and give him the most hardcore death glare I can muster. “Hey Token. Kenny’s just being a dumbass, nothing new.”

“You guys never change. Just as close as ever.” He walks up and pulls out a hundred dollar bill. “Pump three.”

I let go of Kenny so he can do his job. He takes the money and opens the register. “Yep that’s my bro.” He waves the cash back and forth, “All of it?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need it.” 

Even with the type of cars Token drives, a hundred bucks is a little much for a town you can walk most places. “You heading out somewhere?”

“I’m going to visit Nichole.” Token’s face instantly brightens at my question. “She wanted to stay with her parents during break this year. It makes the long distance thing a little harder but I found a way to make time.”

Ah, so they aren’t going to the same college then. “Nichole huh. It’s been a long time. Tell her I said hi.”

“The girl never stops. I will, have a good one guys.”

Kenny and I say goodbye. As soon as Token’s inside his car I punch him in the ribs. “The hell were you going to spread shit for? People around here are either dumb enough to believe it or bored enough to spread it it around.”

“Who said I was going to say anything stupid?” He clutches his side. “This is abuse without reason, a hate crime!”

“Oh shut up you’re fine.” I wince, fuck my head is killing me. “I’m gonna go back and take some advil or something, head hurts like hell.” With all the distractions I’d almost forgotten my problems for a microsecond. “So about earlier, you got one on you?”

“Three in the back I think.”

“Three?”

“You’ve seen it, there’s nothing to do here. Gotta pass the time somehow.” He walks into the staff only room and quickly returns.

“By getting completely baked?”

“Maybe. I’m ready just in case.” Well ok then. “Have two. Seems like you might need em more than me.” He holds his hand out, I stare down but ultimately take them. “Thanks Kenny. I’ll stop by more another time, let me know your schedule.”

I head back home and make a beeline to my room. My head’s only getting worse by the second. I throw my jacket on the floor, take two pills, and lay down wrapping myself up in the sheets. 

When I wake up it’s definitely not morning anymore. I check my phone; 7:30pm. That was one hell of a nap. I sit up and spot the weed on my nightstand, remembering the events of this morning. “I need to find a lighter.” I cough, my voice hoarse. “And something to drink..” My throats dry as the Sahara desert. I trudge down the stairs, grab a lighter, and head towards the fridge. Nothing but a case of beer. “Whatever.” I don’t trust the tap so I grab one and head back up. 

Finally on the roof, I open the beer, take a swig and set it down. I place the blunt between my lips and flick the lighter. Not a spark. “Are you serious, its fucking broken.. I picked up the only dud in the house?” I shake it vigorously, not wanting to look for another, and try again. A few tries and it works. Time to relax. I lay back on the roof and stare at the sky like I have a thousand times before as I blow out a puff of smoke. 

I stay like this, drinking and smoking while staring out at the stars. I can feel my mind and body relaxing. I don’t know if it’s the weed or the comfort of looking into space trying to identify constellations and making up my own. Probably a bit of both. Someone knocks on my door below bringing out of my stupor. Hmm. I crawl over sticking my head off the edge and see Kyle standing in front of the door. “No one’s home.” Kyle jumps back so fast I can’t stop myself from laughing.

“What the fuck Stan that’s not funny!” He places a hand over his forehead and takes a deep breath. “Asshole.” 

“No dude, it was hilarious.” I’m still laughing to the point it’s starting to make my stomach ache. “Why are you still standing there, come on up already.” I’m almost certain he’s glaring daggers at me but it’s gotten too dark to tell for sure. As he makes his way up I take one last drag and watch while he climbs out the window and sits. I look at him and offer, “Wanna hit?” I really haven’t smoked that much at all.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

“Not usually.” I put it out and sit it on the windowsill. “Every once in awhile isn’t a big deal though I guess.”

We sit there in silence for awhile. Maybe he’s judging me. That’s okay though, I should be.

“What’s it like?”

“Huh?” I snap my head towards his voice. “Oh, um.. It’s kind of hard to explain. I think it partially depends on the person. Some people get all happy and hungry. Some people go a little overboard with the giggles and shit.. I think it’s in their head though, if you know what I mean. But most people just feel.. Good? At least that’s how I feel. Relaxed. Like there’s no more stress. Nothing to worry about at all. Make sense?”

Kyle looks out into nothing for awhile then nods. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Mhm, wanna beer then?”

“Yeah I guess I’ll have one.” He stands up and grabs my empty bottle to take back inside. 

“You’ll have two.” He looks at me visibly confused. “You’re a total lightweight, but you’ve at least gotta get a small buzz dude. Two should do it. And I’ll have another please.” 

“You’re a bad influence Stan. I’ve been here five minutes and you’ve already tried   
To get me high and now you’re working on getting me drunk.” He shakes his head but grins nonetheless. 

“Five minutes can change everything. I’ve said it before.” I say this out loud but he’s already gone inside. 

Kyle soon returns and hands me a beer then opens his own. “At the party, you didn’t even drink half of one did you?”

“You got me. No way am I going to drink around people like..That.” He takes a sip and scrunches his nose. “Taste like shit too.”

“So does that make me special to you?” I wiggle my brows. Any chance I get, I take it. I’m going to get this guy comfortable enough to take jabs at me one day. Or well, he can try anyway. In due time Kyle. I’ll make you an asshole just like me and Kenny.

“I don’t know. Maybe. You’re not thirty people crammed into one vomiting all over the place at least.”

“Nope. I’m just Stan.” I’m a little peeved he actually answered the question instead of reacting. Maybe it’s too dark and he figures I can’t see him too well so he has time to actually think. Or maybe I’m thinking about this too much. 

We lay back and relax until Kyles almost done with his second beer. I can see from the place he’s sitting that his cheeks are turning pink. Seriously a lightweight. “You feel good yet?”

“Yeah, I feel pretty nice.”

Thought so. Finish it up, we’re going.” I place my finger under the bottle and tilt it higher in his hand effectively forcing him to chug it down.

He wipes his mouth with his sleeve and stands up. “Where to?” 

“The highschool.” I put the joint in my jacket and go to pick up my beer when he takes it from me. There’s only maybe a fifth of it left so I don’t protest. “Hell yeah, Kyle. Finally getting into it huh bro.” I pat his back and go inside.

When we’re both inside I can see that he’s only been wearing a long sleeve t-shirt. “Dude it’s cold as fuck out wear a damn jacket.” I open my closet and throw a blue hoodie his way.   
“I’m not really cold.” He grumbles but puts it on without a fight. 

“Well you will be, lets go.” I grab my keys and an old dusty skateboard leaning against the wall. “Haven’t used this thing in a long ass time.”

“How am I supposed to keep up?” He looks around the room like I have a hidden scooter or something. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’m walking til we get there.” 

True to my word I keep his pace as we make our way to the empty school. I lead us to the skating area and let loose. Man it’s been a long time since I’ve done this. A few goes and I offer the board to Kyle.

“No way dude. I can’t do that. You’re like the Jack of all trades and I’m the person cheering in the background.”

I chuckle, “You don’t have any balance then?”

“None.” He’s dead ass serious. He’s lightened up a lot.. There’s no better time to get him to try.

“Hold my hand then.”

“What?”

“Get on the board and hold my hand, are you deaf?”

“That’s kind of gay.”

“I’m kind of gay.”

We both laugh and he relents. Walking over slowly he puts one foot on the board, nudges it back and forth, then looks up at me. I offer my hand and he takes it without any hint of hesitation he had just a second ago. Another foot and he’s standing.

“Don’t break my hand, dude. You’ve got this. Just.. Stay like that and I’ll walk. All you have to do is work on staying upright.” I walk, pulling him along about ten feet. He giggles the entire time even after falling off. It’s nothing like I would have seen if I asked him to do this a couple weeks ago. The sound of his laughter puts my mind at ease better than anything I’ve tried all week.

“I did it!” Well not completely but I’m glad he’s so excited.

“Yeah.” I grin “You did. Next step is to push off by yourself but I think that’s enough for now.” If he tried that right now he’d surely hurt himself. His smile is brighter than the sun right now.It almost makes me feel bad for telling him it’s time to stop. Maybe two beers.. Were too much? “C’mon.”

He doesn’t ask where to, he just follows. He’s been doing this much more lately. It feels good that he’s starting to trust in my decisions more often. I jump onto a large outdoor A/C unit and climb up the shortest part of the building. Kyle gets half way but needs a helping hand to get to the top. We then walk until the higher part of the building touches the one we’re currently on. A few times maneuvering around and we’re there. One of my old favorite spots.

“I used to come here a lot back in the day. Stare at the sky and think. I guess basically what I do back home now.” I light up the last half of the joint Kenny gave me and sit down making sure to blow away from Kyles direction.

“You must have left around the time I moved here.” He sits down in front of me. “Do you think we would have been friends back then?”

“Mmm, no doubt in my mind.” It’s an easy, honest answer. We sit in a peaceful silence for awhile. I haven’t felt so relieved of my problems for months. Maybe longer.

Kyle finally breaks the silence. “Why do you say that? I was a study freak. I had to get all A’s. I had a very small group of friends and then I met Kenny. But you, you seem to know everyone. You’re the type of person that doesn’t have a problem talking to anyone and people would want to talk to you too. You were popular right?” He looks down and says in a weak voice, “We’re only friends now because Kenny said so.”

“Dude.” I move so we’re sitting face to face. “I liked you before I knew who you were. Before you said your name and it clicked that you were the person Kenny was talking about. Kenny didn’t make me do shit. I’m your friend because I want to be. And think about it, Kenny said to both of us that we’d get along right? He was my best friend back then too, so he knows the type of people I genuinely want to hang out with. Make sense?” I feel a little mad. It’s like he’s throwing me up on a pedestal and putting himself down all of a sudden and I don’t get why. “Has Kenny forced you to be my friend or do you just want to be?”

He looks at me and the tension leaves his shoulders. “I want to be your friend.. Can I ask one more thing about this?”

“Sure.”

“The night we met, how much did you drink?” He looks nervous again. There’s still a bit of doubt in his mind.

“Remember the cup in my hand? It was mountain dew.” I grin. “I’d taken a couple swigs of beer a little after it started so my breath would come off like I’d drank. It helped that people saw me doing it too. Not long later Tweek spilled a little on me so there was also that.”

“..Why would you pretend?” I can almost see the gears in his mind go on overdrive, trying to put everything together. “That party was a formality. I wanted to see everyone again. I wanted to see them all happy. I wasn’t too interested in getting drunk and forgetting it all and that’s that.”

“Hm. Hey Stan. Can I try?” He points at my hand.

His words and actions are confusing the hell outta me and I don’t really know if I want him to try. The first time I asked was out of habit more than anything else. I don’t want him to smoke but I’m going to look like a dick if I flat out say no. He’s old enough to decide what he wants to do so why do I care so much? It’s just weed for fucks sake. “How about you think it over a little more and when we get back to my place, if you still want to, then I’m down.”

“Since when do you act reasonable?”

“Since when do you act so reckless?” We laugh in sync when I spot two lights coming towards us from a distance. “Get down.” I grab his shoulder and push him down flush against the roof of the school. There shouldn’t be anyone this close to the school, night or not.

“What’s going on?” I put a finger over his lips letting him know to keep quiet. I whisper as the car creeps closer. “Just stay down for now and it should be fine.” I could hear the gravel crunch under the tires and come to a halt.. Then nothing. Okay. This could be good or really bad. They could be someone passing through and lost or they could have already seen us and be calling the cops.

I feel Kyles breath against my jaw and look down. I guess I didn’t need to jump on top of him but at the time I just moved without thinking. I’m about to say I’m sorry and explain when I notice the look in his eyes. “Hey Kyle um-”

The door to the car creaks open as someone steps out. I unconsciously hold my breath. Fuck. “I know you’re up there. I don’t know what it is that you’re doing but I’m calling the cops!”

Well, that’s our cue. “Time to run, got it?” Kyle shakes his head frantically, eyes wide. I grab his hand and pull him towards the lower building. “Jump!” I have to be sure he won’t hesitate so I never let his hand go as we run from building to building, past the fence, and into the woods. I maneuver us through the trees trying my best to keep my bearings until I feel like we’ve gone far enough. “Okay.” I bend over, placing my hand on my knee, catching my breath. “We’re good now.”

“How do you know? Are you sure?”

“We didn’t rob a bank Kyle. We just ran away from some nosey ass woman.”

Kyle breathes a sigh of relief and to my surprise, begins laughing. “That” He looks back the way we came, “Was fun.”

I can’t believe my ears. He thinks this is fun. Man have I fucked this guy up. “Yeah it was. Let’s keep it up, cmon we’re going back to my place.” I start to walk when it occurs to me that I’m still holding on to Kyles hand. I let it be for a few feet then speak up, “Don’t wanna let go of me, huh?” I grin over my shoulder. He quickly lets go, shaking his head.

“Do you know where we are?”

“I think so. We should come out about.. Four houses down from mine.” I keep the lead, holding up branches, making sure they don’t fly back and hit him in the face. Now that would be a great way to ruin the night; broken nose by runaway branch. As I’m thinking this a loud, girlish screech, radiates from Kyles direction. I rapidly spin around wondering what the fuck has happened, when the branch I’d been previously holding slaps the back of my head full force, knocking me to the ground. 

I lay there, lazily hold my head up just enough to speak, and ask “What happened?”

“I um. There was, you know.. A lizard. Touched.. Me?”

I throw my head back into the dirt and leaves. A lizard. A freaking lizard caused me, by proxy, to get slammed into the ground. “Kyle.”

“...Yeah Stan?”

“You better be glad I’m high and like you too much to ruin your face.” 

“Yeah.. So am I…” Kyle scrambles to the ground, no longer as shocked as before, and helps me up. Not that I need help, I just don’t feel like moving. I stand and pop him on the back of the head. “Dude, don’t touch anything from now on.”

“Got it.”

I keep a hand on his arm to keep tabs on what he’s doing until we make it out. “Told ya. There’s my place.” We actually made it out only one has short of mine. I did a pretty damn good job considering it all. After I open the door and we scurry in I feel my lip with my tongue. Its bleeding but no big deal. I walk up to the bathroom to check out the rest of my face. Besides my lip there was only a small scratch on my cheek, no swelling or anything. Sweet. 

When I come out Kyles standing in the hallway waiting for me. “Are you mad?”

“Nah. Shit happens. So what do you wanna do?” He cocks his head to the side like he didn’t expect this at all. I don’t blame him though, he probably thought I had an entire plan made up or something. 

“Can we just drink like we were before? I need to calm down.”

“Yup, go on ahead, I’ll grab the rest.” Kyle does as I suggest. I grab the rest of the beer and head out right behind him. I sit down so we’re side by side and place the case in front of us. “You sure you want to drink anymore? I mean, I don’t really care as long as you can keep it down. So watch yourself.”

Kyle nods and grabs one. “I don’t want too much.” He opens it, takes a few sips and looks over to me. “I thought it over by the way. I want to try.”

Ahh, so he remembers. I could lie and say that was all I had but a bigger part of me wants to see him let everything go. Just those small glimpses he’s given me throughout the night makes me all the more curious. Or maybe not curious but, happy? “Okay, wait a sec.” I reach back into the house and snatch it up then pass it over to him. “And here’s a lighter.” I plop it into his hand and open a beer.

Minutes pass by without him moving at all. He just stares at the items in his hand. “You don’t have to force yourself Kyle. If you don’t want to then don’t.”

“I do though.” He finally lights it and takes a hit. As I predicted he does nothing but cough. I look away trying not to laugh straight in his face. “How the hell” He coughs a few more times and gives a look of determination.

“How adorable.” I grin.

“I’m a guy, I’m not adorable. Girls are adorable.” He grumbles and tries once more.

“Sometimes sure. But I hafta disagree right now.” I don’t bother looking at him, there’s only a slight cough this time. While he does his experimenting I down the rest of my beer. I’m not interested in drinking anymore so I just sit back and wait for him to hand it back. When he does, it’s already halfway gone. I take a hit and put it out. Kenny makes these little fuckers ‘made to last’ but I’m done with it all either way.

Kyle’s on his second beer, so technically his fourth? I’m not too sure anymore. This could be his sixth really. I haven’t been paying attention. “Hey Stan.”

“Yep.” I sit up deciding to come back to the here and now.

“That woman back there.” He covers his face with his arm. “I think that was my mom.” He starts laughing hysterically. “No. I’m 99% sure that was her.” 

“No way! Why would she be there?” I laugh a little too but seriously why would she be in such a place?

“She was kind of pissed off at me and I came here while she was still trying to talk to me about it. It wasn’t that big of a deal, just some talk about my future and she means well. But if she saw me now oh man.” He continues laughing and talking but I barely hear his words. 

“So I’m sure she would just love little ole me huh?” I joke and lay my head in Kyles lap.

“Actually, she probably would. Not in this state but on a normal day, I mean.” He looks down and smiles. “Like I said earlier. People just like you.”

I reach up and play with his hair absentmindedly, “True, I am the best there ever was and ever will be.” My arm eventually grows tired causing me to pull back. Unexpectedly he runs a finger over the hair not covered by my hat. That soon turns to him fiddling with it. I’m not bothered by it at all and soon start to feel my eyes grow heavy.

“We should go back inside. I don’t wanna fall asleep up here and wake up on the ground.” I sit up and start cleaning the mess. Kyle follows suit and we head back into my room. After filling up my trash can I grab a change of clothes and head for the shower. “Dig through my shit and find something to wear, there's another shower down the hall in the last room.” I don’t wait for an answer. I feel completely filthy and rightfully so. I was covered in dirt. I wash away all traces of our escapades then stand, letting the hot water fall over me. I decided not to stay too long so the water wouldn’t go cold too fast in case Kyle still needed it. 

I quickly dry off, throw on some clean clothes and plop onto my bed. I'm flipping through the channels when he returns. I’m not gonna lie, seeing him dressed in my clothes is a turn on. He’s still drying his hair as he sits down. I continue flipping through, knowing good and damn well I won’t find anything worth a shit. I finally settle on a movie network and hope something passable plays. 

“Hey Stan, I was wondering something.”

“What?” I turn around and face him where he’s sitting in the middle of my bed, legs crossed. 

He shifts a little uncomfortably. “How did you know you liked guys too?”

He’s been wondering about that? What a sheltered child he’s been. “I just did.” I don’t really know how to explain it but I try my best anyway. “Ahh.. When I was younger, I only liked girls. I was mostly hung up on one girl but I always knew a pretty chick when I saw one. As I got older I started to notice I thought the same about guys. Maybe I had for awhile and just didn’t realize it, I’m not sure. Either way, I came to the realization that I don’t really care. If I like someone I like em. Simple as that.” 

“That makes sense.” 

He looks satisfied enough with that answer so I shake my head and smile, about to turn back around.

“Oh. And I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He reaches a hand to my face and touches my lip with his thumb. “For this.” He traces the cut on my lip, looking apologetic.

I narrow my eyes to show I’m somewhat serious but also fucking with him. “You should probably stop that. It’s how you get fucked.”

He throws his hands up and smiles. “Yeah yeah whatever.” He puts his arms back down and thinks some more. What I’d give to see into that head of his, it seems all over the place tonight. At least he isn’t having much of a problem saying what he wants for once. “What’s it like, kissing a guy?”

“Same as girls. Some are better at it than others.” I shrug not sure how else to put it but soon flip it around, a grin spread across my face. “I could just show you, if you’re that curious.” I fully expect him to laugh it off or roll his eyes but instead he traces his lips with his fingers, deep in thought.

He probably isn’t even aware of what he’s doing but that doesn’t change a thing. All I see are those lips.. That confused, yet determined face he always makes. That expression I've grown to love and poke fun at.

My right hand inches forward and cups his cheek. He looks up but does nothing. 

Tell me to stop.

I slowly move my thumb over his lips.

Flinch dammit.

My hand moves around to the back of his head, ready to pull him towards me at any moment.

Push me away.

I tilt my head to the side and study his eyes. They don’t waver. He isn’t scared, he isn’t grossed out by me touching him so far.

Tell me to stop it.

I move forward and pull him towards me simultaneously. We’re close enough I can feel his breath on my skin. Just an inch and he would know. 

Punch me you fucking idiot.

I’m close enough now that I feel his lips just barely brushing against mine. It’s no kiss, not yet. My mind is at war at this point. I know this isn’t right. I know I shouldn’t be doing this. He doesn’t like guys, he’s just curious and I’m close to taking advantage of that. If I do this, I could lose his friendship completely. But part of me doesn’t give a shit. Part of me wants to be selfish and feel him close to me. Part of me wants to blame it on the alcohol even though I’m nowhere close to being buzzed, let alone drunk. Part of me wants to use him in order to forget.

That part of me wins.

I pull him towards me and close the small gap between us. His lips are soft and smooth against mine as I slowly, almost painstakingly so, move mine against his. I know that this is enough. I should stop and say “there you go.” or something stupid like that, but I don’t want to. I kiss him slightly rougher, turning my head to the side and gripping his hair to keep him steady when his breath hitches and he opens his mouth. 

I pull away just enough to give him a chance to say something; to protest. When he doesn’t I lick his bottom lip, testing the waters before going all in. My tongue finds his and just as quickly he starts kissing me back, albeit awkwardly. A small moan rises from his throat as he runs his hands through my hair.

That’s all it takes.

I push him down onto the bed, slip my tongue into his mouth and kiss him passionately. Kyle seems to take it as a challenge at first, twisting his tongue around mine, battling for dominance, but soon gives up and melts into my touch. Both of my hands have been holding his wrists down, partially to stay in control, and to keep myself in check. I let go of his right wrist and slip a hand under the hem of his.. No. My shirt. He’s covered in me from head to toe.

This might not be real. It might not mean a damn thing. But right now, Kyle is mine. 

His skin feels so warm, so soft under my fingers. I move my hand up higher and pull my lips away from his just long enough to trail hot kisses across his jaw and down his neck. I nibble at the base of his neck then bite down hard. Sweet moans echo throughout the room like music to my ears. Soft hands rub up and down my arms then tug, urging me to move upwards. I oblige and stare him straight in the eyes. His breathing is labored, skin hot, face pink. In other words, he’s fucking adorable. 

But at this point I’ve had enough time to think within reason. When he pulls me back down and I taste the beer on his mouth, I inwardly kick myself. As much as I don’t wanna stop, I know I have to. I kiss him one last time, savoring every little detail, then sit back up and stretch my arms out like nothing irregular happened. Normally, I would do what I want and not give a damn. That’s how I go about things like this. But this time, it’s different. This time, I took advantage of a drunk friend.

I haven’t been with someone for so long. He wanted to know what it was like. That’s all this was and now it’s time to go back to normal. That’s my only hope. I turn around, grab his arm, and pull him up. “Pretty damn good right?” I give him a teasing smile and flick him on the head. “Now you don’t have to wonder anymore. Hands on research doesn’t have to be so bad huh?” 

“Ah, yeah. I guess so.” He rubs the back of his neck, turning red as a tomato. I could poke more fun but I think I’ve done enough for one day.. Or ever. I turn the TV off and see in the corner of my eye that he’s opened his mouth to talk so I quickly speak up pretending to be oblivious, “Time to sleep dude, it’s like 3am.” I get under the covers and give him a look, “Don’t worry Kyle, I’m not gonna rape you or anything.” I throw my hands up and laugh, hoping it sounds passable. 

“Pft whatever.” He laughs along and lays down as well. 

I turn off the lamp and roll over. Kyle’s high and drunk. He isn’t mad at me now, or at least, he isn’t showing it. So there’s that. By morning he more than likely won’t remember a thing. He’s still my friend, that’s all that matters. I can see just well enough in the darkness that his eyes are closed. Good. My eyes soon become heavy, time catching up with my body, and I fall into a deep peaceful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked this chapter. The next one is going to mix a lot of things up. Two new characters will be introduced into the mix and they're girls woooo. Can you guess who? (;   
As for my other story, I've ran into a few hiccups that need fixing before the next chapter can be posted. So basically I have the chapter done, but I need to fix a few things or else its.. Gibberish. Yup yup yup. Enjoy!


	4. Something About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New people come along for the journey.

One second I’m in complete and utter peace. I’m surrounded in darkness. My head itself is filled with darkness. I am the darkness. I’m nowhere and everywhere all at once, unaware of anything. The next second I feel a hard kick to the back causing me to tumble off my bed, hitting the floor with a loud thud. I immediately jump up ready to kick someones ass when I see a tuft of red curly hair sticking out from under the covers. “Son of a bitch, Kyle.” I calm down, remembering he stayed over last night and lower my hands to my sides, saving my badass kung fu moves for a real intruder. 

I’ve been living on my own for so long now that just seeing him there feels really weird. I rub the spot on my back that’d been assaulted and check the time: 7:03 AM. Great, only four hours of sleep last night. There’s no point in waking Kyle up just because I am. Even though he’s the sole reason I’m awake so prematurely. 

I head to the kitchen, my stomach already yelling out for food. With only a few hours of sleep I decide on a quick and easy bowl of cereal and plop down in front of the TV. I chow down on my meager breakfast of milk and crunchy sugar while watching cartoons. After finishing up the last few bites I lick my lips. My tongue stops immediately over a small laceration. It feels so big yet I know it’s an insignificant cut. Insignificant in the sense that it isn’t swollen, it doesn’t require ointment, or any other help with healing. 

The issue here are the memories tied to it. Kyles box of curiosity opened up last night. He asked about so many things but the most important being what it’s like kissing another guy. I run my finger over the cut. He did that too. He looked at me in a way that I couldn’t resist. So I gave him the answer to his question. I kissed him.

I don’t understand myself at all. I wouldn’t think twice about giving him a meaningless peck if he asked or even if he didn’t cause the guy’s fun to play with. This is different though. I went way too far with him being in such a state. Last night I freaked out over it afterwards. I can’t do that today, I can’t act weird around him. I don’t plan on outright telling him that it happened but if he remembers I’ll own up to it. I did it and I liked it, so what? I don’t like my friend that way. I just enjoyed the fun duh. Simple.

“Hey Stan.”

“What?!” My bowl goes flying as I jump up causing the contents to cover Kyles upper half. So much for not freaking out, hot damn. “You scared the shit outta me dude.” I lean down picking up the spoon and bowl.

“Yeah I see.”

I look up a little concerned. He sounds utterly miserable. “Ahh. You’re hungover huh.” I laugh and walk towards the kitchen, placing my things in the sink. I grab some cleaning supplies, a glass of water, and head back to the living room. “Here.” I hand Kyle the glass of water. “There’s some medicine on my dresser. Take two and change outta that shirt.”

He grunts in response.

I get to work on cleaning the carpet. I’ll be damned if this place smells like spoiled milk. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick. Thankfully the shirt Kyle was wearing got the brunt of it so I finish up in no time. Speaking of, he’s yet to return. Hopefully he went back to bed but I might as well check up on him just in case.

Upstairs I find Kyle on the floor leaning against the wall. “Get up dude.” I nudge him with my foot.

“I feel so fucking bad.”

“Yeah I know buddy, but you can’t just sit there like that. I’ll turn the lights off. Just come lay on the couch.” I help him up and we go back down stairs. I refill his water and sit on the end, giving him plenty of space to lay down. “Drink the rest of that and when you think you can eat, let me know.”

“Yeah, okay.” He finishes off half the water. I turn the TV down a little lower when he lays down, head in my lap. Hmm. Whatever makes him feel better.

“No way can I go home like this.” He groans and covers his eyes with his arm.

“To the crazy police lady? Yeah, probably not the best idea.”

“Crazy.. What? How long does this last?”

It seems he doesn’t remember running into his mom last night. Sweet. “I don’t know, I always took some meds and slept them away.” For whatever reason Kyle doesn’t look like he wants to go back to sleep. Or more likely, he can’t now that it hurts so much.

“She’s going to kill me either way.”

“Just stay til it’s gone. Not like I’m gonna tell her anything.” I prop my feet up on the coffee table. “When you feel better take another shower or something. Do whatever makes you feel more comfortable.”

“No I mean, I never went home last night. I’m fucking dead.”

“Then don’t go back.” I say this without thinking. 

“What?”

‘What’ is exactly right. Did I just insinuate he stay here? I think about it and really, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all. “Well, I have two extra rooms. I don’t know what’s going on with you and your mom but if you want space or whatever I don’t see any reason to not move here. It’s your choice.” If he’s living there because he has no other place to go then I just gave him a way out. Besides, I have more than enough room and he’s a friend.

Kyle sits up and looks at me like I’m a lunatic. “Are you serious?”

I simply shrug. “I don’t see why not dude. If you want, you're free to stay. Plus it’s boring as fuck living alone.” True, very true.

He sits there staring at his hands for awhile. It reminds me of last night. Does he do this every time he’s deep in thought? “I- That sounds great but I can’t really pay you-”

Oh for fucks sake man. Might as well nip that train of thought in the butt before he spirals into a deep oblivion. “Dude, shut up. I don’t want your money, I don’t need anything from you. You’re moving in. So now that that’s settled rest up. Don’t wanna look like.. That, when we break the news do ya?” I point at his sleep deprived face, still wincing from the major headache. “Speaking of, neither do I. I’m going back to sleep. Go eat a banana and get another hour or two. You’ll feel a hell of a lot better.” He doesn’t protest as I walk back up to my room and fall asleep. 

It seems like just mere minutes later when I’m being shaken awake. “Stan.”

“No I’m sleeping.”

“Not anymore. Get up it’s been two hours.” I can tell by his voice that he isn’t going to give up any time soon.

“Ughhhh.” I roll over, planting my face in my pillow. “One more.”

“I can’t hear you.” 

“I said one more hour.” I lift my head up and squint. “You seem to be feeling chipper.” There’s way too much happiness flowing within his voice compared to earlier but my sleepy brain doesn’t care why.

“Yeah I’m better so..” He sits down next to me with a more serious expression. “Were you serious earlier?” 

“Yeah dude, the banana thing really helps. Can’t you tell? You’re the one so damn cheerful right now.” I pretend to be oblivious of what he’s going on about. 

Kyle looks down, his eyes expressionless. “Oh.”

He’s way too easy but that was also a little mean on my part. I grab his arm and pull him onto the bed. “Yes Kyle, we’ll get your shit in a few. Don’t be such a downer idiot. Now.” I pull him closer and bury my face in his arm. “Gimme five.”

I can feel his body relax next to mine. If only he’d stop worrying so much. “Okay. Five minutes.” The smile on his face is visible within his voice. I can’t help but smile too. Maybe this will help him more than just getting away from home. 

Exactly five minutes later I’m up and getting dressed. “So, your parents, how do you think they’re gonna take this?” 

“I’m not sure. I don’t think my dad will care. But my mom is a different story. It depends on how I go about it I think..”

“Eh, if things seem weird I’ll speak up. If she gets really pissy, I’ll take all the blame and make it seem like I talked you into it or something.”

“You can’t do that!” He grabs my arm forcing me to look at him. “Why would you do something like that? I decided to do it, not you.”

“She’s not my mom, it doesn’t matter if she’s mad at me.” It’s simple Kyle. “At least I know Ike, he’s a pretty cool dude.”

He looks amused by this. “When you’re around sure.”

I’m not exactly sure what he means by that but whatever. I match my shirt and shoes today and throw on a grey hat to even things out. “Do I look snazzy or what?”

“I’m afraid to say ‘or what.’”

I laugh and push past him. “You need to work on your insults dude.”

“You look nice though. Ready?”

“Yep. Let's get going.” I start marching down the stairs when someone knocks on the door. “Or not.” 

“You don’t think she found out where I am do you? That would mean she would probably know I got drunk last night too. Oh my god..” Kyle starts panicking, no longer willing to move.

“She’s not a bloodhound, Kyle.” He’s too old to be worrying over his mom and his mom shouldn’t be so strict that he’s flipping his shit. No wonder he went along with the idea so fast. I pat him on the shoulder and open the door.

Two girls are standing there waiting. One is someone I know very well: Wendy Testaburger. She’s dressed differently than usual. An oversized grey sweater, black leggings, and white sneakers are really monotone compared to the purples, pinks, and yellows that I’m used to seeing her in. She looks more mature this way.

Standing to the side of her is a brown haired girl dressed in a grey long sleeved t-shirt, tucked into a burgundy skirt, see through leggings.. What are those called.. Pantyhose? Hell I don’t know I’m not a girl. A nude colored scarf and white shoes. I’ve never seen this chick before.

“Hey Wendy.” I smile brightly. I haven’t seen her in a long time, though we still called each other every now and then. Kenny and Wendy were really the only two I made sure to keep in touch with.

“Stan!” She hugs me as soon as the words leave my mouth. “It’s so good to see you again! How are you?”

“I’m great, thanks. What’s up with you, just get here or something?” I let her go, eyeing the luggage behind the other girl.

“Oh! Yes actually, not too long ago. There’s been a ton of setbacks but I’m here to visit my family.” There’s a look of nostalgia in her eyes. I can almost feel the excitement of being in her hometown again, emanating from her. I wish I’d felt the same when I came back. “And this is Heidi.” She beckons her friend to move forward. “We met at school this year and now we’re best friends. She couldn’t visit her own family so I wanted to show her around here.”

Heidi looks at me with a nervous grin. “I’ve heard a lot about you.. It’s nice to finally meet you, Stan.” 

A lot about me huh. That’s more than likely a fair amount of good and bad. “Nice to meet you too, pretty lady.”

“So Stan.. I have a slight problem. If it’s okay, I’d like to talk to you about it?” Wendy’s holding my hand looking apologetic.

“No problem, come inside guys.” I keep her hand and take a suitcase. We all sit down on the couch when Wendy spots Kyle. “Oh hi Kyle. I didn’t know you knew Stan, It’s nice to see you.”

I almost laugh at the fact that Kyle was still frozen at the bottom of the stairs. It just occurred to me that Wendy and Kyle would have more than likely known each other from back in highschool. I know both of them were top tier students so they’d at least know each other's names. 

“Hi Wendy. Mmm it’s kind of a long story.” Kyle plays everything off with a shrug of the shoulders but I can tell he’s a bit bothered as he sits beside me.

After sitting down and getting small talk out of the way, Wendy explains their situation to me. Heidi couldn’t visit her family this year so they decided she’d come here with Wendy. They booked a room at the local hotel for her where she would stay, while Wendy would be sleeping at her parents' house. The problem though, was that their flight was delayed by an hour. When they made it to the hotel Heidi’s reserved room had been given away since she was over 30 minutes late. All the rooms are booked since so many people are here visiting for the time being.

“We don’t have an extra room at my house and I invited Heidi.. I really don’t want her to sleep on the floor. As soon as we arrived at the airport, my mom told me you were back. I planned on visiting you anyway from that point so when this happened I knew that if anyone would help me, it would be you. So, I was hoping that maybe she could stay here for awhile?” 

So that's what’s up with the luggage. 

“We’ll be gone all day most of the time, once I’m settled, so you won’t even know anyone is here. I’ll be sure of it. Of course, if it’s not possible, I understand.” She looks really upset over having to ask this of me. But I also know she’s being completely honest. No matter what was going on between us, we both always knew we could count on each other.. And to me, that hasn’t changed a bit.

“You know good and damn well I’ll help you out any way I can.” I look at Heidi who’s been silent the entire time. Her eyes are downcast, she most probably feels incredibly awkward. “You can stay in the last bedroom down the hall. Private shower and everything. And there’s no reason to walk on eggshells around here, I don’t mind it at all.”

Heidi finally smiles a genuine smile, letting out a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much! You really are a very nice guy.”

“Yes, thank you Stan!” Wendy squeezes my hand, gives me a small peck on the cheek, and stands up. “Do you mind if I stay the first night or two? Just to help her settle in?”

“Course not, do as ya please.” I stand up as well. “While you guys do that, I’ve got some stuff I need to take care of. There’s an extra key in the drawer over there. You can make a copy for both of you if you want, I don’t care. So yep, come and go as you like. We’ll see you two later.” I let go of Wendys hand and usher Kyle out the door. 

\---------------------  
Kyles POV

I climb into Stan's car feeling a severe mix of emotions. This morning I was amazed by the idea of getting away from my mothers sometimes overbearing attitude and moving in with my friend. After this though, I’m not too sure. Won’t I just be in the way now? Two to three extra people staying in his home all at once has to be overwhelming. 

Besides, this is Wendy. She seems so familiar with Stan. More so than anyone else. She kissed his cheek and everything.. What if they like each other and me being there ends up getting in the way? She’s not a bad person at all, quite the opposite actually. We weren’t friends but we knew each other being the top two in our grade every year.

My biggest dilemma though, is he didn’t skip a beat on letting a stranger stay in his house. Telling me to move in with him, is just him being the nice guy that he is. It doesn’t mean he really wants me to be there. 

We pull into my driveway but I don’t move. “Stan?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know about this. Heidi and Wendy will be there now and I’ll just be in the way. I mean-”

“God dammit Kyle.” Stan cuts me off, irritation in his voice. “Quit overthinking dude. Wendy’s a good friend so when she asks me for help, I’ll do what I can. I don’t think that will ever change, but it’s different than you. I invited you because I want you there. I want you to stay, asshole. They’re gonna leave at some point because it isn’t their house, but you won’t because that’s your new home.” He looks at me, a serious but pleasant look on his face. “Got it?”

“Got it.” Maybe he’s right every time he says it.. I do need to stop overthinking things. It’s going to be hard, but I’ll try. “Okay, let's go in then.” I smile and we hop out of the car.

I unlock the door and walk inside. As soon as the door closes behind us my mom comes out of the kitchen and rushes over, embracing me tightly. “Oh Kyle I was worried sick about you! I looked everywhere! You have no idea how sick some of the people in this town can be!” I can see Stan laughing a little next to me. 

“I’m sorry mom. I just needed some air and it got late and um..” I don’t know what to say. I drank with Stan. I got a hangover. I can’t tell her any of this. 

“I saw him and got him out of the cold. We watched some TV and he slept in an extra bedroom of mine last night. Since it was late, I thought I’d just help him and try to be a good friend. I hope you don’t mind, Mrs. Broflovski.” 

“Oh! Hello there. I didn’t see you, I must apologize. Thank you for watching over my son. You must be a very good friend to help my Kyle when he was acting in such a manner. What’s your name hun?” I inwardly thank Stan but I’m not sure how long this will last.

“I’m Stan. It’s nice to finally meet you. Kyle’s told me a lot of good things about you and Mr. Broflovski.” He extends a hand and flashes a smile that could convince a police officer that they were the one actually speeding, not him. 

My mom takes his hand, admiration in her eyes. I knew she would love him. Damn he’s good. 

“It’s very nice to meet you as well. Kyle what’s taken you so long to introduce me to this nice young gentleman?” 

Gentleman might be taking it a little far. “We usually lose track of time, sorry.”

“Oh well. Better late than never.” She smiles at us both. 

It’s amazing how easily he got her mind off my disappearance. If he weren’t here I’d be getting my ass handed to me. But this only means that I have to bring up what I came here for even sooner. “Yeah, so I have something I need to tell you... I’m, well, I’m moving out.”

Silence surrounds all three of us. It feels like ages before she speaks. “What is that? Didn’t you listen to me at all yesterday? Where will you go?”

“Well that’s the thing.” Thanks for giving me an excuse Ma. Without our talk I’d have nothing to say. I think for a minute then speak. “I did think about it. I thought about it a lot. I felt like I was going to go crazy until I talked to Stan about it. I know you really want me to stay in the dorms during breaks to keep my studies front and center. I know you want me to continue my education much further than I intended to. I came up with a compromise.. Stan lives even closer. I can start doing online classes during breaks so it’s like I’m getting a breather but I’ll still be learning like you want me to. Stan can help me study and I’ll accomplish more but also not run myself ragged..” I trail off. It’s all a lie, but I don’t care. I can’t tell her the truth. 

I never would have even considered lying awhile ago. Stan is rubbing off on me a little too much. But, I’m an adult and I want to make a step towards feeling like one. It’s time for me to get away from my parents.

“Is this true Stan? You’ll help my little buhbie better himself?” Of course she already trusts him more than me and thanks for using that name Mom. 

“Of course Mrs. Broflovski. I hope you don’t mind that I talked to Kyle about all of this.. I just thought that if you two could meet in the middle, it could work out. I’d hate for the two of you to fight. I promise to help in any way I can.”

Wow Stan. Talk about being good on the spot. It’s like you know how my family works more than I do.

My mom talks to us about a few things and in the end she’s acting like Stans biggest fan.

“Just make sure he doesn’t end up like these sickos I saw last night on top of the highschool buildings.”

On the highschool buildings? That feels so familiar.. I’ll have to ask him.

We head up to my room when we finish our talk and I pull out two large suitcases and my backpack. “Would you mind throwing my clothes in there? I’ll gather up the rest of my stuff.”

“Sure thing.” 

I go around my room, picking up things I would need the most. Anything left over could either stay here or be collected at a later time. “Hey Stan, about the highschool.”

“That was us dude.” He starts laughing in a way that makes me feel like he’s been struggling to hold it in for awhile now. “We’re the sickos.” 

“No way.” I begin laughing as well. I knew something seemed familiar. Memories start piecing themselves together slowly. Wait, then that means. “Dude, your face. That’s why those scratches.. Oh my god the lizard.” I cover my face, remembering my embarrassing actions.

Stan turns away from me still laughing but with less gusto than before. Could he be mad at me about that? “I think I hate lizards now.”

“I always have.. If you couldn’t tell.” My face is burning up. I can hear my girlish screech play back in my head. Man this blows. I rush through packing the rest of my stuff and help Stan with my clothing. “Alright, that’s good enough. Let’s go..”

“Home.” Stan grins, slinging my backpack over his shoulder. “We’re going home. Now, let’s go tell mom bye.”

Mom? She’s my mom. Agh, whatever. He is who he is and does what he pleases. We talk to my mom a little more, say goodbye, then head to the car. I look over at Stan who’s waving goodbye at my mom, a smile plastered on both their faces. I wonder what it’s going to be like living with someone like him. Just being friends has thrown me out of my comfort zone so many times and gotten me to do things I never would have before. He’s just so different from me.. Everything I wish I was. Maybe he can help me after all.

\------------------------------------------  
Stan POV

When we get back the girls are gone as expected. We throw his bags in his new room for the time being and go back downstairs. “Hey dude, have you seen my phone?” I knew something felt off today. As much as I hate the thing, I know I need to keep up with what’s going on at least once a day.

“I don’t know. I’ll call you.”

“Thanks.” I wait as he finds my name a hits call. Nothing. I check my bathroom, kitchen, my room.. Nothing. “What the fuck.” I start rummaging through my laundry basket when it hits me. Either I left it on the roof or dropped it while running last night. That’s not a phone someone needs to get a hold of. I open the window to the roof and breathe a sigh of relief. It’s laying right where we sat last night. “Got it!.” I yell back and grab it. I plug it up, not ready to ruin my day just yet.

Downstairs Kyle’s on the couch staring at the TV. Looking at him reminds me yet again of last night. I was prepared to explain but it seems he barely remembers anything about it. I sort of wish he did and I kind of want to tell him anyway. Which is the dumbest shit I could possibly pull right now. “You’re in my spot.”

“Huh?” Kyle looks up but doesn’t move.

“That’s where I sit, scoot.”

“You have to be kidding me. Just sit here it’s the same thing.” He pats the seat next to him. 

“Nah it has to be right there. I’m giving you a chance dude.”

“I seriously believe you’d sit on me.”He rolls his eyes and moves over.

“Because I would. Scared you’d like it?” I sit and lean against him.

“Yeah.”

“Interesting seeing as I only got you to move so-” I freeze. What the hell, is he playing me? “What now?”

“Huh?” He looks away from the TV. “Oh. Oh! No I- I was confused dude.” His voice is just the way I like it, panicked. 

I laugh but don’t get a chance to say anything else, freaking bummer. The front door opens as Heidi and Wendy scurry inside. “Hi guys.” Wendy waves. “We’ll just head upstairs, sorry.”

Christ. I don’t need two Kyles here. One is just right. “Wendy.”

“Yes Stan?”

“Come sit down if you wanna. This isn’t a prison.”

She sighs and walks over. “You’re right.. I use to spend so much time here. I just, I’ve been worrying over everything.”

“Yeah well.” I pull her down beside me as they walk by. “You of all people should know I don’t care. And you miss Heidi, need to start talking or I’m gonna-”

“Stan!” “Stan!”

Kyle and Wendy yell my name out at the same time, hands over my mouth.

I blink a few times and remove their hands. “I wasn’t gonna say anything weird, damn.”

Heidi, witnessing the whole thing, starts giggling.

“See she gets it.” I lean back into my seat and notice Kyle and Wendy looking at each other seemingly stunned from the previous events. I look from one to the other. “Interesting.”

This seems to snap them out of it. Wendy looks to Heidi and Kyle looks down, shaking his head. Weirdos. “Anyway. You guys want some pizza?”

We decide to have a bite together which I did on purpose. Kyle and Wendy seemed awkward around each other and I wanted to get Heidi in a more natural situation. She’s acting very shy but I figure it’s mostly the change in plans that has her feeling uncomfortable. I want her to get to know us so she’ll feel a little better. Staying at a strangers house probably does feel weird for normal individuals. 

We end up reminiscing about earlier times in our lives and tell stories about each other. By the time we’re full Heidi is visibly more relaxed and the awkward tension from before is gone. 

You’re all welcome.

“Alright Kyle, time to get your room ready. No more sleeping with me now that there’s two sweet little ladies staying here.” I hop up smiling at his already pink face.

“It’s not like that. Ugh, dammit Stan.”

I start walking away, albeit slowly. “Oh? Did you or did you not sleep with me last night?”

“Not like that!” Kyle stands up getting redder by the second. 

“Tomato potato or whatever.” I shrug and continue on into his room. Kyle follows not far behind.

“Why Stan?” He puts his hands on his cheeks trying to cool off.

“Calm down. Wendy knows when I’m full of it. Or what? Are you interested in one of them?” I feign surprise. 

“Not even close.” He sits on the bed rubbing his forehead. “Not that they aren’t nice enough, I’m just not.”

“I wasn’t being serious. I doubt Wendy’s your type. Heidi though..” Shit, they might actually make a nice couple. I intended on saying this out loud but I can’t seem to.. “Um, anyway.” What the hell’s gotten into me.

“Yeah.. Stan. Do you..” He’s looking at his hands again. I’m oddly proud that I know what this means now.

I sit beside him and pull his hands away from each other. “Out with it. Even if you try to offend me, I doubt you could. So, nothing you say is gonna bother me.” I keep telling him this in so many different ways. One day, he’ll have to believe me.

“It’s not that I think it would… Fine. You’re into Wendy right? She kissed you, not on the lips but, you know. When she’s in the room you’re holding her hand. And the way you look at her is different from the way you look at everyone else.” He finally looks up at me. The things he thinks about so intensely will never make sense to me. I try and try but the more he does this, the less I understand. 

“I think at some point I told you there was one particular girl that I really cared about, or maybe I didn’t tell you.. I’m not sure.” Yes I am, I totally just remembered you were drunk when I said it. Don’t remember dude. “Either way, Wendy was that girl. We were on again off again. But we were always friends no matter what. In the end, we realized that we work best as just friends, and that’s that. I love her but not in that way.” I start putting his clothes away as I speak. “Why, was I wrong about her not being your type?”

If I was I’ll shit bricks.

“No, I was serious when you asked before. Both nice girls, but not for me. I was just curious.. With everything that I noticed, I don’t know. I get it now.” He joins me in putting his things away.

“If you say so.” A sense of relief washes over me. Well that isn’t right. Huh..

We unpack everything rather quickly. Things have started to feel weird for me. I’m not sure what’s gotten over me and I don’t like it so I head for the door.

“You’re going to sleep this early?”

“No, I’m just gonna check my phone. It was dead earlier.” This wasn’t the plan but I can't invite him to live here then ditch and avoid him the first night.

I grab my phone and take a peek at all the messages. Two days. Looks like I can’t keep avoiding it much longer. Fucking wonderful. I send a simple ‘ok’ as I go back to Kyle's room and hear the girls giggling down the hall as I do.

“It looked like you two are more familiar with each other than friends should be. That’s the reason I brought it up. It’s not too late for me to give you guys space, but I know what you’re going to say. I just thought I’d explain myself better.”

“Well, now you know why and it’s not a big deal. So, can I pull a Kyle and ask a question?” I lay next to him, arms behind my head, staring at the ceiling. 

“Ok, what?”

“Are you really sure you wanted to move out of your parents house? I kind of made the decision for you, but off the way you were acting, ya know?”

He looks at me and laughs. “Yeah, I’m sure. I would have done it awhile ago if I could have.”

“So why do you keep thinking about it now that you’re here?”

He stops laughing, brows furrowed. “I guess because it happened so fast and I went from someone else's place to another's. Being there was annoying but, I knew that it was okay. Here though, I don’t want to bother anyone, I needed to know you really didn’t mind.”

“Mmm. Next time your mind starts spinning with that stupid shit, remember that I don’t offer things I don’t mean, or wanna give. If I didn’t want you around, I sure as hell wouldn’t be talking to you right now. And Kyle, fast or not, five minutes can change everything.” I close my eyes and focus in on the tv.  
“Five minutes..” He mumbles to himself. He isn’t talking to me anymore and I knew he wouldn’t. He’s a thinker and because of this, I had to go ahead and eradicate any doubts he has left over.

We watch TV and talk for the rest of the night. I’m not sure about what anymore, or even what we watch. All I can really think about is the day after tomorrow. I was pissed off enough and rightfully so, that I was able to avoid everything for awhile. I can’t skip out this time though. If I do, I’m just digging my own grave. And the damn thing’s already halfway done. 

Soon enough I look over and Kyle’s asleep. I sit up quietly not wanting to wake him as I make my way out. I get halfway off the bed and stop. “Hey Kyle?” I whisper, testing to see if he’s really asleep or just falling asleep. I turn slightly and lean over towards him. 

I don’t know why I felt the need to stop and look at him. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me Kyle.” I don’t want to do these things anymore. I don’t want to be tied down the way I am. He looks so peaceful. I wish I could feel like that again at some point in my life. I think this to myself and it hits me. I did feel that way. I felt it last night. I was at peace, I was genuinely happy, everything felt right. I’m not sure why I did, there were a lot of factors at play. “Maybe it was you.. Maybe it wasn’t.” But, I need to know. I lean down closer. I won’t do what I did last time ever again. Something simple and innocent will have to do. Hopefully it’s enough to get my answer. “I’m sorry.. Again.” I gently kiss his forehead. I can smell his now familiar scent over my shampoo he used this morning. I back away and look at him, every freckle, the way his hair curls at the ends, it was shorter when we first met. Everything there is to see, I take it in, burning every detail into my brain as I do. This is all something so very simple, but I know now. There’s nothing left for me to do here. I quickly and quietly slide off the bed and go to my room.

I have my answer.


	5. Second First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to shake things up for Kyle.

[Stan POV]

The next morning I wake earlier than I’d like to but at least I’m not on the floor. I walk sleepily down the hallway, bumping into Heidi as she leaves her temporary room. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” She sounds sheepish but much happier than yesterday.

I rub my eyes trying to see properly. “Hungry?” 

“A little. I wasn’t sure if I should dig around your kitchen or not.”

“Pft.” I chuckle and walk down the stairs. “Let’s go then.” In the kitchen I look around at what I have. I need to do some shopping that’s apparent. “So are you more of a fresh fruit type of girl or decadent chocolate?”

“Um, chocolate!”

“Well do I have something in store for you.” I poke her shoulder and take out two bowls. “This stuff is crazy luxurious so just try and keep yourself together okay.” I open the pantry, take out a box of cocoa puffs, and fill both bowls. “Now don’t freak out. I know it looks insanely delicious, unlike anything you’ve ever seen, but it’s not ready yet.”

There’s a cute little laugh behind me as I grab the milk from the fridge. I pour it into the bowls and she smiles brightly. “Thank you Stan.”

“Ah ah ah, not yet. This last piece ties it all together.” I push her hand away, open the drawer, and stick the spoons in. “Bam!” I push the bowl of cereal back towards her. “Now I want you to go and try to find this kind of food with this kind of amazing service anywhere else. Cause you won’t.” I grab my bowl and sit on the couch. Her laughter follows me the entire time, even after sitting.

“You’re very.. Interesting.” She takes a bite of her cereal and smiles. Possibly to reassure me that she didn’t mean it in a bad way.

“I guess you could say that. I hear ‘that’s just the way he is’ a lot.” A long yawn escapes me. “Anyway, how do you like the town so far?” 

“It’s okay, I think I’ll like today a lot more than yesterday. I was..”

“Horrified?” I offer.

“Yes. Wendy said you’re a great person, but even so, I couldn’t help but worry that the situation would have you angry. But last night was fun. I can see what she meant.” She looks back at the TV. “You’re nice to everyone and will do anything you can to make people happy. That’s what she said.”

I snort at this information. “Either way I’m glad you’re talking now. So what are you guys doing today?”

“I think we’re going around town to meet a few people, hang out at a couple of places, and have dinner with Wendy’s parents.” 

“Her mom's cooking is just, there are no words. Seriously Heidi, it’s worth your entire stay here. Man what I would do.” A nice faraway feeling envelopes me. That shit is bananas.

“I’ll try and bring you leftovers then.” She giggles as she finishes up her cereal. “I think I have to since you worked so hard on breakfast.”

“That’s a quick way to win my heart.” I place a hand over my chest while looking into her eyes, overdramatizing, when a new voice comes in the mix.

“What’s happening?”

“Anything you heard was a total lie. I’ll only ever love you Kyle.” I look straight ahead finishing up my last few bites. 

“Mm yeah.” He yawns all the way down the stairs. “Love you too.” He enters the kitchen then walks back out, wide awake thanks to my bullshit. “Stop doing that.”

Heidi and I laugh in unison while he grumbles complaints. He returns, poptart in hand. “He got to you already.”

“I’d get to you if you’d let me. Open up already.”

“Oh ha ha. Always the jokester.”

“There’s at least a hint of truth in most things I say.” I mumble, roll my eyes, and leave. I can hear Wendy's frustrated voice coming from their room. I knock and wait for permission to walk in. “What’s your issue?”

“I can’t get my hair right!” She slumps over the vanity, laying her head on the wooden surface.

“You look fine.”

“No. I want it to go to the side but it’s not listening.”

“Probably because it can’t hear you.” I sit on the bed near her chair. “Seriously, you always look amazing.”

“Thank you Stan.” I earn a small smile. “Where’s Heidi?” 

“We had breakfast, she’s downstairs with Kyle now.”

“That’s great!” She jumps up wrapping her arms around me. “I knew it wouldn’t take long for her to warm up to you. Plus if you like Kyle then of course he has to be amazing as well. Oh and about that.” She leans back enough to meet my eyes. “Are you two together?”

\---------------------------------------------------------

[Kyle POV]

I’m finishing up my poptart wishing it was at least a stroodle when I see Stan and Wendy sitting on the bed talking. I don’t stop to eavesdrop or anything, that’s not my thing, so I have no idea what they’re saying. I couldn’t help but notice how close he was holding her though. I start to feel uneasy again as I rummage through my clothes. 

It’s nothing, he told me that they’ve always been close and that’s all there is to it. Plus, he’s a person that isn’t afraid to get in your bubble. He’s told me several times that there’s nothing for me to get in the way of and it’s about time I listen to him. He’s yet to lie to me. Mess with me? Of course. But lie? Nope. 

I showered before anyone else was up, then fell back asleep, so I only need to get dressed. Sleeping last night was a task on its own. I’d woken up from whatever I was dreaming about last night, to Stan's voice. I heard him say he was sorry and before I could open my eyes to say anything or see what was wrong, I felt his lips on my forehead. I didn’t know what to think, let alone say, so I stayed still pretending to be asleep. I wanted to know why he did that. I was hoping he would say something else so I’d understand. I even considered ‘waking up’ but I never got the chance. Before I could make up my mind, he was leaving.

I finish changing and touch the spot he kissed. “Why?” It could mean so many things especially coming from Stan. When I first thought about it, I figured maybe it was his new, odd way of saying goodnight. I wouldn’t put it past him. If that was the case, then I won’t care. I’m getting used to his quirks as they surface. None of this explains why he said sorry though. That’s where every idea I come up with falls apart. 

I need to either let it go and see if he says anything today, or just man up and ask. I don’t know what to do yet. So until then, I need to act natural. 

I scan my new room. This is the first time I’ve taken a minute to let things sink in. This is my room now. My home. There was already furniture here so I had no reason to bring my own. That helps preserve a space for me to go if I’d like to stay home for a night. The only somewhat furniture-like item I brought with me is a lamp my parents bought me when I was young, probably ten. It’s not something you’d place in a fancy living room. It’s that of a child’s, but I’ve used it for so many years. I thought it would be nice to bring it along, a piece of my old home. 

My room overall, was extremely nice and clean before I came along. I wonder why. It’s not as though he was sleeping in here. Now it’s a bit messy because of me. A lot of my miscellaneous things are on the floor, waiting for a place to belong.

My closet looks just like Stan’s since he put most of my clothes away. All jackets, hoodies, tops, ect are hung by color, pants on the other side. Same goes for my shoes, though I only have four pairs. Taking a step back I feel slightly underwhelmed by my collection. Sure, Stan’s amount of clothing, shoes, hats, and accessories is most definitely excessive compared to the average persons. Even so, it wouldn’t hurt to add another pair of shoes to my wardrobe. 

A smile creeps up on me for many reasons, most of all how happy I am to be here. Deeming it time to go back downstairs I find Wendy and Heidi talking on the couch. Before I can get into a conversation with them Stan bounces down the stairs looking jovial as always. He starts to speak when his phone rings. No matter the situation, this always seems to make him legitimately unhappy. I watch as he pulls it out of his pocket, wondering why he carries it if he hates it so much. There’s a weird look on his face before he answers. “Who the hell?” The phone reaches his ear. “Hello?” is the last thing I can hear. 

He’s redirected his path past us, to the kitchen. Just a few minutes later he returns, phone in hand, scrolling through the contacts as he passes me by. He places the phone back to his ear as he leaves the way he came, back up to his room.

I lean back thinking of what I might do today. I should go ahead and buy a pair of shoes before I forget about it. Something versatile so I can make new outfits out of the clothes I already own. Stan could probably pick out exactly what I need. 

Speaking of, he comes back and stands right in front of the three of us. He’s changed his outfit, now sporting a t-shirt and sweatpants. I’m guessing plans fell through or whatnot. He looks at Wendy, mumbling something incoherent, does the same to Heidi, then faces me and smiles. “I swear, you’re perfect.”

“Huh?” 

“I like you.” He continues looking down at me. I look up at him, confused as all hell. Ah, I get it. 

“Okay, I like you too.” We’re friends so he obviously likes me. He’s stating a fact but in a way that will fluster me in front of the girls. Try again asshole, I’ve caught on this time. 

“Yeah, you’re cute. This could work.” It’s like he just ignored me completely. I refuse to get embarrassed. “Are you doing anything today?” His smile never leaves his face, if anything it grows when he ask me that.

“I’m going to the store actually.” For once I have a real excuse that might shut down whatever it is that.. This is? Joke’s on you Stan, you can’t get to me this time.

“That’s not a big deal, we can do that afterwards. I need you to go change alright.” He flops down into the chair perpendicular to us, paying me no mind.

“Why? What’s wrong with what I’m wearing? Where are we going?” That was a mistake. Asking him where, is a ‘yes sir’ to him.

He looks me straight in the eyes, “Because that’s not the proper attire for our date.”

He wins. Hands down, he just won.

Everyone’s looking at both of us and he’s yet to falter. I on the other hand, am quickly evolving into a round squishy tomato. “Do what. A huh? Date? Wha..” What the fuck Stan. My mind is turning to mush. I’ve never been more surprised by his words. Or have I? I just can’t keep up no matter what I try.

“I need someone to go with me.” He groans, finally offering up the truth. “Someone I can say I’m into, just incase. You don’t have to act like you like me back since she knows you already. That might be suspicious. Either way, if I need to, I can act like I want you..” He trails off with an odd look on his face. “Anyway, go change into something more comfortable.” 

This is more confusing with an explanation. Why be so vague? “I.. This is comfortable?”

“Nope, you don’t want jeans dude.” His cheek meets his palm as he lazily looks over at me, like I should just get it already. “You don’t even own a single pair of sweatpants do you?”

Asking questions will get me nowhere. “No.”

“Grab a pair of mine and switch your boots to a pair of sneakers. The hoodies fine but only wear a tee under there.”

His mind’s made up, I might as well get a move on and get whatever this is over with. “Take back the date thing.” I groan as I pass by him to change. I do so many more things than I normally would when I’m with him, and I actually really like that. It’s just the way he gets me to do them that aggravates me. But at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, I wouldn’t change a single thing about him. Even when he makes fun of me, even when he talks me into something I think is really stupid, when he gets all up in my personal space.. It always ends up fun. I always have a good time when I’m with Stan. 

When I finish changing and return, Stan leads us to the car and explains. “You know how Karen does track? She wants someone to run with.”

“Oh.” I expected.. Well I’m not sure. Something more intricate? “So you need to pretend, why?”

“Cause she likes me. So I’d rather have someone around.” He turns into Hatchers Park. None of the parks around here have a legitimate track and field, but this one has a paved perimeter that most people use to get their steps in. “Things are better with you.” He adds, looking for Karen the closer we get. 

“Anyway.” 

“What?”

“You need someone around so things are better with me here anyway.” I correct him.

“No.” He leans against a tree as Karen runs towards us. “You’re wrong.”

I corrected him based on the situation but now he’s correcting me. Stan’s a smart guy, so he has his reasons, but I don’t understand it. What is there to say no to? While I ponder this Karen lunges into his arms. 

My eyes flicker to her face. It’s not hard to tell she’s infatuated with Stan, to say the least. It’s in her smile, her eyes, the way she still has her hands on his arms while looking up at him as he speaks. Holding on to every word like ‘Wanna walk the first lap’ is the most important thing she’s ever heard in her entire life.

“Hi Kyle.” She smiles, giving me a hug as well. The way she makes contact with me is very different than with Stan. It’s like that of good friends, the way it should be. I can tell she didn’t expect me here and she’s a little disappointed. She’s a nice girl though, so she’s trying not to show it, and isn’t actually mad that I showed up. I can tell why Stan said he wanted someone to come. 

We’re halfway around the first lap. The scenery here isn’t half bad and it smells of fresh water and pine. Well, and Stan. He has an arm around my shoulders as is usual when we’re walking together. I don’t mind this as much anymore and the warmth is welcomed. Just walking hasn’t warmed me up yet, not that I’m looking forward to running at all. I’m not bad at sports or physical activity per say, but I’m not fond of it either. Or well, good. I’m in between I guess.

I can probably make a lap around this just fine if I hold a steady pace. If they plan on a second, I might be okay, but I’m not going to kill myself. I can just say I wanna watch or whatever. I doubt Stan will argue if I’m wheezing. 

“Alright, you guys ready to lose?”

Wait we’re actually racing? I thought we would just run as we pleased. God no, a younger girl is about to kick my ass. I don’t care too much if Stan does, he’s just good no matter what but. Fuck. No no no. My eyes go wide, mouth slacks, and my face goes pale. I’m about to look like an idiot. Stan looks at me and grins. Please don’t Stan.

“Mmm, I mean you Karen. Kyles going to jog today. So we have to pass him twice before he makes one lap, got it?”

Thank you so freaking much dude. We all agree and walk to the starting point. I grab the wrist that was previously dangling off my shoulder and squeeze, giving him a silent thank you. We smile at each other and do what we set out here to do.

I’m surprised with myself when Stan calls it quits. I was able to do two laps with no issues, much more easily than I predicted. Karen ran four, and Stan five. 

“I only beat Kyle three laps..” Karen looks extremely disappointed in herself. 

“But you beat him. Your problem has an easy fix too.” Stan goes on to tell her where she went wrong and what she needs to do in order to improve. They have a long conversation about it and she perks up, absorbing his tips. Everything he says makes sense, not that I know all that much though. 

Stan hands out water and leans towards me as she rehydrates. “You did great.” He sits down, pulling me down beside him. I did great huh? If we ever have to run from a bear I’m the one it’s going to maul, hands down. 

“We can do this again if it’s cool with Kyle.” They both look to me.

No pressure to agree or anything, huh guys? “Ah yeah, it’s cool.” I’m gonna be so sore. This better not be too often. 

“Really? You’re both so wonderful!” She pulls us into a bear hug. She’s adorable but once it’s over she’s still extremely close to Stan. I’m not sure if I should do something. Maybe I should get closer to him. I guess if- In one swift movement Stan is to the left of me, holding my hand. It’s nothing intimate, it’s the same way he always grabs my hand to pull me around with him. The only difference is we’re not moving. 

“It’s no big deal. You have my digits now so, let me know when. We have to get going though. I had a lot of fun Karen, see you soon okay.” 

She’s refusing to look down. Stan laced our fingers as he was speaking. It was a subtle thing, such a slight difference that it shouldn’t matter at all. They’re just hands. Yet this feels so very different. Like he truly is into me. I guess the little things really do matter. It brings with it a weird feeling but this is what I’m here for. We all say our goodbyes while gathering our things. Halfway to the car Stan lets my hand go, the cold immediately surrounds it and.. I don’t like it. People say things like this release chemicals that make you feel different ways. From what I know, they’re always good feelings. Like hugs. I guess that’s what this is.. It was quick but I miss it. Not four steps later our hands brush against each other and his pinky wraps around mine. A sense of relief courses through me. Yes, that has to be it. Chemicals. 

\-----------------------

“Why do you keep looking at the door?” I’ve witnessed Stan whip his head in its direction at least five times now.

“Waiting for something.”

“For what?” He realizes he’ll hear the door when it opens right?

“Something worth more than gold.” Sighing he relents, pulling his legs up onto the couch.

“Is it a secret?”

“It’s food dude.” He chuckles. “Wendy’s mom cooks like that of an angel. They better remember to bring me some.”

Oh Christ. Of course it’s not actually something important. It really must be good though, for him to be so restless. “For as long as you’ve been waiting and staring at that door, I hope they do too.”

“Meh.” He starts maneuvering around as if I don’t exist on this piece of furniture. On his quest to find the perfect position I end up getting bumped into, pushed, pulled, and squeezed like I’m nothing but a decorative pillow. He eventually ends up on his side, supporting his head with his left arm. “If they forget, will you make me feel better?”

“Depends on what you mean by that.”

A devilish smile replaces his previous look of impatience. “I can think of plenty of things. You’re free to choose which.”

I’m not so sure choosing would make it any better. Jesus, if you’re listening, please don’t let them forget the food. For God knows why during my silent prayers, I feel him poking me. My stomach, arm, chest, and now my cheek. “What are you doing?”

He pokes my other cheek then pinches it. “You should eat a little more.” His fingers rub across the red spot on my face.

“When the hell did you turn around?” Why is that my question? 

“Mm I dunno.. Like a few seconds ago?” He stops with my cheek, his hand now moving down to my neck. He carefully places his hand around it and softly squeezes two points. It doesn’t hurt and happens so fast I barely notice it. “This is where you wanna have pressure applied while getting choked during sex.”

“What the fuck?!” I sound exactly like I did when I touched that damn lizard. I don’t know what’s more embarrassing right now, his statement or my voice.

“Just throwing it out there, for safety reasons.” How is he so completely unaffected saying these things at random? Why is his hand still wrapped around my neck. Why the fuck am I not saying anything?! 

I opened my mouth to spew what probably won’t make a lick of sense when the front door opens.

“Stan.” Heidi makes a beeline, tupperware in her arms. “The service isn’t as great, but I didn’t forget.” 

Stan sits upright, smiling like a goofball. “Hot damn Heidi, I could kiss you!” He accepts the extended tupperware with one hand and wraps the other around her in a hug. 

“You’re welcome.” She bites her lip, looking down.

“You pretty little thing you.” He releases his hold on her, running to the kitchen. We had dinner not too long ago, hot dogs and french fries. But we all know he’s in there demolishing the contents of that tupperware. 

Wendy, Heidi and I chat about our plans until Stan comes back, the smaller of the tupperware in hand. He stops directly behind me, placing one arm with the bowl and the other with a fork on either side of me, bending down. “Taste this.” The fork bearing a piece of cake is hovering in front of my closed lips. 

Forget offering me a piece of cake by ya know, handing it to me. No no, let’s try and feed it to me in front of other people. I wonder if that’s the way he actually thinks. “C’mon it’s really good.”

“He’s never shared my moms food. Not even attempted to be polite and offer.” Wendy speaks up from across the room.

Sighing, I take the cake and chew. I can see why he was looking forward to her cooking. This stuff really is amazing. He moves around, sitting on the armrest. “It’s the best right?”

Honestly, I wouldn’t mind having some more but there’s no way I’m going to ask.. For several reasons. Smiling I shake my head. As I do Stan holds his stomach and groans. “Hehh I’m full. Here Kyle, finish it up.” He shoves the other half in my hands and walks away, mumbling ‘so fucking good’ as he does so. 

I snort and begin eating the rest. “So this is one of his weaknesses..” Not that it would ever come in handy in the future. I shove another bite in my mouth when Wendy stands up, ushering Heidi to do the same.

“I think I know a bigger one.” Is all she says as they disappear upstairs. Was she just gloating? She didn’t sound rude in any way though. A bigger weakness.. 

“Where’d they run off to?”

“Oh, I guess they’re tired. I don’t know.” What if it’s a sex thing.. Is it about choking? Oh God. No, ew, stop it. She isn’t the type to say stuff like that.

“Wanna head up too?”

“Sure thing.” I follow him up to my room still wondering what the bigger thing could be but as soon as we step inside I remember last night. I’ve yet to bring it up. Before the night is over I absolutely have to bring it up. This is no time to be a chicken. Keeping my composure, I continue on to the bed.

Unlike Stan’s room, where the TV is stationed to the side of the bed, my TV is in front of mine. We sit with our backs propped on pillows against the headboard. 

“Here.” He sits the remote in my lap and settles down beside me while I put on some show about cops. We talk and laugh about the idiots getting arrested. The things people do to end up in jail are so dumb it’s funny, and the way they try to lie reminds me of a five year old. Our laughter dies down during a more serious arrest. Stan puts a hand in my hair and pulls me towards him, his heartbeat much faster than it should be thumps against my ear. “I fucking hate these people.” 

On the screen a man was going 106 miles an hour with a two year old in the back seat. His wife is called to come get the child but she’s only concerned about her husband. “She hasn’t even asked about her kid. Not once. It’s like the child doesn’t exist at all to either of them.” His voice is like venom.

“I know. There should be a way to report the mother for possible neglect as well based on what the police can see in this situation. Not just the father. They’re obviously terrible parents.” 

The way he’s staring at the television.. It’s like he’s taking this personally. He begins to rub my arm, up and down, like he’s trying to stay calm. I pretend not to notice, though I doubt he’d care if I did. The episode ends with this arrest and a new one is about to start. Stan runs to the bathroom at record speed, trying to make it back before it comes back on.

“Did you wash your hands?”

“I wasn’t that fast, course I did. Wanna smell?” he wiggles his freshly cleaned fingers towards me.

“No thanks!” We both laugh as I dodge them causing him to fall face first into the bed. Ten minutes into the new episode I feel Stan moving around again. The lights are off and the current scene isn’t providing much light so I’m not sure what he’s doing. That is, until he’s holding my hand. This is the right time. This is my que to ask him.

“Why are we holding hands?” Ok so, I pussied out.

“Hmm. You ever get the urge to hug someone?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Well I got the urge to hold hands.” 

“...I guess that makes sense.” To him. Though he does kind of have a point there.

“And um, Stan, ahmm.” What the fuck kinda word-sound was that. I can do this. It’s going to be something stupid anyway, geez.

“Uh, what was that?”

“Why did you kiss my forehead last night?” Shit I said that so fast I don’t know if I even heard it right. Fuck I need some air. Why is there no air?! Turn on dumbass air conditioner! Err.. It’s fall..

He jerks and squeezes my hand, obviously not expecting this. “And you said you were sorry.” Gotta get it all out at once. Okay, everything is fine. I did it. 

The lamp turns on and he looks at me, a serious expression on his face. “You wanna go sit out back for a minute?” His voice comes out so low it’s almost a whisper. Like he’s afraid to speak.

“Okay.” This right here, worries me. He always has the answers to everything. This is the first time he’s wavered, for as long as I’ve been around at least.

We go out the backdoor, a rush of cold slaps me in the face. He suggested we come out here to sit but instead he’s walking around the deck, a hand running against the railing. “I did it because I wanted to.” 

What? This is the sort of thing I would have expected him to say already. It’d either be something weird or a big old ‘I wanted to so I did it.’. I just had to be sure. So, there’s a reason he’s behaving in such an odd way. “And?”

“We kissed the night before.” He spews this out, finally stopping and sitting on the steps. “When we drank and all that. I kissed you because you asked. Partly. But I shouldn’t have.. I stopped when um, I tasted the beer on you.”

I don’t remember any of this! How can I not remember any of that?! Asking guys to make out with me isn’t exactly something I go around doing every day. “I asked you to kiss me?”

“Yeah. You wanted to know what it was like to kiss a guy and how to know if you’re into them or something. So I did it.. And I’m sorry.” He bends over placing his head in his hands. “Fuck. I really am sorry. That was stupid. So fucking stupid.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me? You knew I was oblivious..” It’s not like him to keep something from me like that. Shit, I expect him to poke fun at me for it.

He’s watching the top of his foot move back and forth like that of a clock. “I didn’t want you to hate me for it. To punch me or something and never talk to me again.” He finally faces me for the first time since we walked out here. “You should. So go ahead and hit me… Hate me. I did something I shouldn’t have and on top of that I wasn’t going to tell you about it.” His head drops between his knees. “Im a fucking lying piece of shit.” 

I never thought I’d see him in such a state. So upset with himself. Distraught. I don’t like what I’m seeing right now. It isn’t right. “Stan, stop it.”

“What?” For once, he’s the one that sounds confused.

“I’m not mad at you. Sure I’m upset that you didn’t tell me but you did what I asked you to do right?”

Apparently still unable to stay in one spot, I watch him stand back up and lean against the rail. “Yeah. I mean, I threw in a little extra cause like I said, I wanted to.” 

“I expected you to say that. It’s very Stan-like. So, we’re fine okay.”

“Even though you were drunk? You’re sure?” He moves closer to where I’m standing running a hand through his hair. “Because dude, I wasn’t going to tell you. Like, I kept telling myself I needed to, but I don’t know if I would have. It’s.. It’s been bugging me a lot though.”

“I know, idiot. That’s part of why I can’t be mad. You might be an ass, but you’re not a bad person. Just make sure to be more open with me from now on alright.” 

I barely get the words out when Stan lunges himself at me. His arms are wrapped around me tight making it hard to breathe. He doesn’t say a word, just hugs me and laughs. Seeing him happy again is all I want.

“You’re my best friend, I think.” I’m not sure how to explain what I think about him, but for now this is the best comfort I can think of. 

“You think?” He pulls back looking like he smelled something awful. 

“I don’t mean it like that. It’s just that I think it’s different than just my best friend but I don’t know how to put it. It’s a good thing.” I have no idea what the hell I’m trying to get across.

“Mmm.. So, you said you expect these things because, and I quote, ‘they’re very Stan-like’. Does this mean I can be more Stan-like? Cause dude, I hold back a lot.”

He does?! What the fuck. “Um, sure. Just don’t go crazy with it okay?”

“Got it.” That smile is a little intimidating but I’ll worry about that later.

“So. God, I can’t believe I’m asking this. Did I like it?” It’s become very hot again. Even the chill of the passing breeze can’t help me. The feeling of Stans hand patting me on the back is the only thing keeping me grounded. 

“I don’t have ESP but you uh” He stops to giggle, that doesn’t feel like a good sign. “You didn’t look like you wanted to stop. With being drunk though, I wouldn’t trust your actions.”

Okay well then actions aside. “Did I say anything?”

“I didn’t let you. When I stopped, you were going to but I made you go to sleep.”

“Ah, okay.” I didn’t think I’d learn much so whatever. 

Stan grabs my hand and tugs. “You wanna go in? You look like you’re gonna freeze over any second now.” He doesn’t give me a chance to answer. We just go inside, him pulling me along as always. When we get upstairs he lets go, making me turn, wondering what the deal is. “I’m gonna get ready for bed, all that.”

“Oh yeah, me too.” Despite just being outside in the darkness, I’d forgotten the time. I go to my room and quickly change into a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. When I make it to the bathroom to brush my teeth, Stan’s already leaving it. I brush each tooth slowly and lazily as I think about our conversation and the actual night everything took place. I wish I could remember but no matter what, all I see is black.

I finish up and walk to my room, head down deep in thought. When I make it to my bedroom door Stan’s standing in front of it. There’s no longer any sound from the TV coming from inside or any light seeping from underneath. “You kicking me out already huh?” I joke.

“Nah, maybe some other time.” He turns away from me walking toward his own room. “C’mon.”

With nothing better to do, I follow along. Knowing I would have even if there were other options. “So why the change in scenery?” I work my way into the bed while he searches for the remote.

“Few reasons. I wanna lay down, my bed’s comfier, gotta go to sleep soon, yada yada.” 

“I think yada is the most important of them all.”

“You’re exactly right. Good job buddy.” The same movie channel that’s usually on downstairs flickers onto the screen.

“If you need to go to sleep I can just leave.”

“If I didn’t want you here, I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to bring you here dummy.” He plops down behind me, placing the remote in front of me. “If you wanna change it or whatever, go ahead. And.. it’s five percent.”

“What’s five percent?”

“My Stanness or whatever you wanna call it. You said I could be more myself so, It’s going up by five percent. For now.” He’s smiling at me like this is the best thing that’s ever happened to him. It kind of makes me feel bad that he said he holds back a lot, but I’m a little afraid to see him at one hundred percent.. “Anyway- Dammit.” His phone starts ringing prompting him to search the area of the sound. 

‘Sup.’ … ‘Yeah I was good mom. Wanna ask my chaperone?’ … ‘I’m with him.’ … ‘Dude shut the fuck up. … ‘Anyway, did she enjoy herself?’ … ‘Good. So yeah, don’t let it slip that I called you about it.’ … ‘Thanks bro. See ya.’

I could make out Kenny’s voice but no words. Not that it matters, I know they were talking about Karen. 

“Hey Kyle.” I look up and just as quickly he bends down, kissing me. It happens so fast that I can barely see him move towards me before he’s already at the nightstand, plugging in his phone. It was like a butterfly, almost nonexistent. Now this is something I’d think he would do. And as long as he doesn’t do it in front of people, I’ll count it as okay. 

I’ll still have to talk to him about this later though.

I’m focusing in on the movie as he finishes everything up and climbs back into bed. The movie isn’t half bad tonight. “Have you ever seen this one?” 

“Umm.” He looks over to the TV for a bit and answers. “Twice I think. It’s really good up until the ending. Which is complete and utter garbage.” He’s moving around a lot causing the bed to ever so slightly move every time he does. I’m about to say something when his arm wraps around me and pulls until I’m flush against him. It’s kind of like spooning i guess.. But not? He pushes one leg between my own allowing his knee to bend while leaving the other leg straight.

I have no clue what to do with my body. Or what to think. Five percent.. He’s being himself, that’s all this is, idiot. He was so torn up before over the possibility of us no longer being friends.. If this makes him happy, I’m ok with it. None of it is a big deal like sexual wise to him so yeah, I should just go along with it. “So I was your chaperone today?”

“Yep. Kenny gives me hell about her but I wanted you around anyway.”

“Why don’t you just tell her you’re not interested?” That seems like the easiest course of action.

“I’ve thought about it, trust me. There’s a few reasons that I haven’t. One of them being that she’s aware that Kenny knows. And ah, when she likes someone, well they end up out of the picture pretty fast. Even though this isn’t the same scenario there’s a possibility that she would blame him. I hate it when they fight. Another is when school starts up, she’ll forget. She’s a teenager.” He shrugs and curls up closer to me. “If I say something it’ll hurt her feelings and I don’t want to see her upset. I don’t want to see her face knowing I made her sad, because that’ll hurt me too. So what it boils down to is, I’m selfish.”

“Maybe you are but I don’t think so. You have legitimate points. Your reasons to just wait it out are pretty solid. Like, I wouldn’t want them to fight either.. Kenny’s overprotective but he means well. And she’s a teenager that’ll forget soon enough to move on to someone that will like her back.”

The warmth against my back disappears and the lamp turns off as he reaches over me. “But would you do the same?”

He returns to his previous position, leaving the TV on. Apparently I have total control over that and I’m not ready to inflict complete darkness upon the room just yet. “It’s hard to imagine to be honest. I’ve never really had these sort of problems. I put most of my focus into being the best, ya know. But.. While your decision is probably the best I'd more than likely ignore it from the start. Pretend it didn’t exist.” 

“I bet you still would.” The sound of his ringtone blares out making me jump. “Who now? Ugh, can you pass it to me?” He groans into my hair, reluctantly sitting up just enough to use the phone properly. 

He reaches as I grab the phone and hand it over. The ID is just a number with no contact info, not something with a need to be answered. “What do you want?” Stan practically growls, woah man, it's just a wrong number. 

“Okay means yes, that’s a valid answer, or are you too big an idiot to even know that much?”

Um, or not.

The obvious annoyance of his voice has spread to his body. He’s now sitting up, shoulders tense, movements rigid. “Yeah whatever.”

I wish I could hear what’s going on. It has to be something big to piss him off this bad. Yep, I’m gonna pretend this isn’t happening. Screw getting caught up in his current irritation. Not that I really think he would take anything out on me. 

I lay back down on my side and close my eyes. I should just try and go to sleep. 

“Yellow.”

Yellow? That’s an odd word to use in such a tense convo. Dammit me, I’m supposed to be minding my own business.

“Bye.”

Nevermind.

Stan throws his phone on the floor near the nightstand. “Idiots.” The bed jolts as he forcefully falls onto the bed. I can hear a muffled groan behind me. He must either have his face in his hands or his head in the pillows. Whichever it is doesn’t make a difference to me. I want to say something but what? ..What would he say right now? I think, something off topic and random. But I don’t have the ability to make that work without it feeling forced. Hmm. 

“Kyle.” 

I know it’s wrong right now but hell, I’m the one who feels a tint of relief. I turn to lay on my back in order to see him. “Hm?”

I wonder what he’s going to tell me about it. I’m curious enough to accept even the slightest bit of information, enough that we can talk about it anyway. He on the other hand, seems to have another idea in mind. 

I’d been thinking so intensely I hadn’t noticed how close he’d gotten. His body has resumed it’s position, laying on his left side with his head propped up, looming just a few inches over me. His hand moves until he makes contact underneath my chin, moving me just enough that my face is perfectly in line with his own. “How about another go.”

This is so weird. I’m not even sure.. No, I know sort of but.. “What?”

“You don’t remember last time, so how about another try?” Nothing on the outside changes, not a hint of what’s going through his mind right now.

I open my mouth to speak but promptly close it. I’m not sure what to say. I’m annoyed that I did something like that already and can’t remember it, but saying ‘yes let’s go ahead and kiss’ isn’t the easiest thing for me to do. Besides, I don’t even know if I seriously want to do that.

“Mm, another time then.” He’s smiling but it’s fake. It doesn’t remain there for long, he quickly changes back to look like his usual self, but I saw it. 

He begins to move away, removing his hand from my chin. “Now.” I’m not positive on what it is: my curiosity or that pained look on his face. Whichever reason, I’ve said it and there’s no going back. The way he stops so suddenly, mid movement, tells me he’s as surprised as I am. 

Suddenly the light flickering from that stupid moving picture box seems so much brighter than it should be, and never have I ever felt this excruciatingly hot. I feel the need to run outside and smack the side of my face against a metal pole. I doubt even that would help.

My eyes that have been a blur, staring out into nothing, are now focusing in on the face beside me. Somehow Stan had come back without me realizing it. “Just breathe. You look like you might pass out.” He laughs lightly, placing the back of his hand on my forehead. I close my eyes and do as he says. The chill of his hand is very welcomed as I take slow steady breaths.

My breathing has steadied. I don’t feel completely calmed but I don’t think I ever will no matter the circumstances. With that in mind, I open my eyes to Stan’s reassuring face, which is everything right now. I shake my head, swallowing hard. This is as ready as I’ll ever be.

His face inches closer in what feels like slow motion. We’re really going to kiss. It’s not going to be like that butterfly kiss back in my room. Nope, I’ll definitely feel this one. 

There’s no more space in between us but it’s not what I expected. His lips touch one cheek, then the other, and lastly, the corner of my mouth. I look at him confused but quickly grasp what he’s trying to get across. He’s making sure that I'm still okay with this.

There’s no need for words. He’s seen my expressions, he understands. 

This time he leans forward, trapping me in a kiss. It’s slow and gentle; the exact opposite of what I’d expect from him, but still nice. His lips move against mine at a steady pace. We stay this way, light nips here and there. But something isn’t right. I felt his hands twitch a few times, his leg begin to move then return to its original place, and so on. I push him away, using my elbows to keep me up.

“What’s this?”

We both sit up, our legs indian style. “It’s what you asked for.” I can see he’s biting his cheek, something I’ve never noticed him do before.

“No it isn’t. I asked you to, um..” I’m losing my confidence at record speed. God, nope this can’t fizzle out, I need to keep talking. “I agreed to a redo. I thought that would be you.. Doing it the way you normally would, I guess. You’re holding back and it looks like it’s driving you crazy… And yeah.” Color me impressed. I never thought I had the ability to say so much about.. That.

“You’re right.” He snorts, unable to hold back a grin. “I’m holding back and it’s fucking hard as hell.”

“Why? If I’m gonna you know..”

“Make out?”

“Ugh, yeah that. If I’m gonna do that, it might as well be done the right way, right? Just um, everything you do is more.. Intense, than other people so tone it down but not like this.” I throw all the words out and look down, trying to keep a grip on the little confidence I’ve gained. 

“Mhmmm.” He moves to sit on his knees, taking in every word. “Basically, you want me to do what I want, but use major discretion as well to give you a normal experience.” That diabolic smirk creeps its way onto his face once again.

“Yeah but-” The second I opened my mouth to speak his hands were wrapped around my arms.

“Got it, shut up.” He pulls me to him and leans forward, trapping me in a kiss. His lips move against mine but I’m stunned. Fuck, this is what I wanted, go for it Kyle. I close my eyes and kiss him back. I’m not sure what I’m doing so it’s a bit clumsy at first. 

He releases my arm and I feel the soft touch of his fingers running down my spine just before his arms wrap around my waist. I like the way he’s holding onto me just a little to tight, the way his fingernails dig into my skin through my shirt. I feel myself being pushed back to the bed as our lips mesh together over and over, each kiss rougher than the last. 

A noise, almost nonexistent, vibrates within my throat. I move my hand towards his face, then back, then arm, never once actually touching him. Unlike him, I have no idea what to do with my hands. I drop my arms back to my sides in defeat. He slowly kisses down my neck giving me goosebumps. Every touch feels like fire against my skin and I never want it to stop. Suddenly Stan grabs my hands, pulling them up and throwing them around his neck. 

He kisses back up, stopping at my ear. “Don’t think, just do it.” Those few words send a shiver down my spine. I feel a hard nip on my earlobe and do as he says, throwing any reservations out the window. A small moan escapes me and I pull him by the hair back to me. Our mouths collide once again, more animatedly now that I’m more involved. 

“Hey.”

“Wha-” Stan uses this opportunity to plunging his tongue between my lips, searching for mine. I can almost hear the laughter within his mind. I push back, intertwining my tongue with his. Our tongues twirl around each other as our legs intertwine. I feel so lightheaded all of a sudden, every touch sends a volt of electricity throughout my body.

He pulls away running a hand up my side. My shallow breathing seems so much louder now that there’s no noise to muffle it. I bite down on my lip and close my eyes, trying to catch my breath. He’s so fucking composed it’s annoying. There has to be a way to throw him off. “Stan.”

For fucks sake, seriously? I almost wince at how turned on I sound. “Yeah?” He moves to the crook of my neck and bites down.

I moan in response. There’s no point in trying, he’s clearly in control here. “I forgot.” Idiot. Freaking idiot.

While I’m kicking myself for sounding like such a girl he works his way up, kissing and licking my neck until his lips are barely touching mine. “Mmm. Say my name again.”

That’s not a request, it’s a demand. I can barely think as it is, just kissing him, fighting his tongue with my own. I pull away just enough to breathe out his name. “Stan.” I can feel him smile against my lips. I imagine that cocky grin of his and melt, scratching my nails into his lower side. 

I feel.. I feel way more than I should. Thoughts race through my mind so fast I can feel a small headache forming. This is too much. I have to stop this, now. I pull away and push against his chest, turning my head away from him. “We should go to sleep. It’s getting late..” I don’t want to sound like a dick, because it isn’t like that at all. It’s closer to the opposite and that scares the hell out of me. 

He sighs but backs away, rolling over to his side of the bed. I know he understands that I’m just done and not upset. It’s nice knowing he can read me at times. I just hope he can’t see too much right now. Or feel.. Dear God.

I lay back down, following his lead as he pulls me towards him again, putting us back in our earlier ‘sleeping’ position. My heart continues to race. I feel so many things within me that I’ve never felt before. What this all means though? I’m not sure yet. I’ve never really done this, even with a girl. So maybe it’s nothing except a thrill. Probably, but I’m too tired to think about it. 

I can feel him breathing against my neck, lulling me to sleep with its steady rhythm. My eyelids become heavy, and my mind starts to blank, when I hear Stan whisper. At least I think so. “Thanks.” No, that doesn’t make sense. I’m just falling asleep, that’s all.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Next chapter POV is mostly Stan. I already have the next chapter ready along with chapter 2 of my other fic! Constructive criticism is welcomed.


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